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Author Topic: ThisIsNotMe's Bloggy thing  (Read 4229 times)
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ThisIsNotMe
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 148



« on: October 20, 2009, 09:18:15 PM »

Well, here I am at uni, with several hours between class.  So I thought, why not do something at least semi-productive with the time? And here I am.  I'm contemplating the grammatical correctness of the title of this thing, but I suppose that since here I'm using "ThisIsNotMe" as a name, the possessive apostrophe must be correct.  It just looks weird. Maybe it should read "ThisIsNotMy Blog"? But anyway.

Life for me, at the moment, is not bad at all.  I'm studying at a performing arts college, which is a dream come true (did anyone see Fame?  When I saw it, I was very strongly reminded of where I go, so many of the happenings really aren't that unusual here).  I have a long term boyfriend (if eight months is considered long term, I guess) who I can really see a future with, which this time last year, I wouldn't have imagined happening in a million years.  I'm getting lead roles in shows, which before this time last year had never happened.  Everything suddenly seems to be falling into place.

I feel so lucky, that sometimes I wonder when it's all going to fall apart, because it can't all be real.  But then again, maybe this is life, and I'm just going through a really good patch right now.  I mean, there are hard parts - bf has one of the most overbearing mothers in history, which makes a lot of things hard for us - but overall, I'm going through one of the best times of my life.

Recent events? Not much.  I feel like everything's moving around me.  My friends are all starting to get engaged, married, pregnant.  One of them even has a two year old already.  I feel like I'm kinda at a different stage in life to a lot of them - I'm still a student, and while I have a bf who I see a future with (and at this stage, yes, we are planning to get married, but are not officially 'engaged' as we don't see it happening soon), I'm just at a different stage to most of my friends.  I live with my grandparents (mostly because I can't afford to live alone), and so life in general is different.  Most of my friends left school and went straight out and started working, so I suppose it's natural that we're in different places.

Well, my next lesson starts soon, so I'd better go! 
Talk later, PDO!
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elisedance
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« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2009, 09:28:16 PM »

Congrats on the first bloggy post!  and nice to see such a happy one too....
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
cornutt
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« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2009, 10:11:44 PM »

Good to see you here again, TINM!

I feel so lucky, that sometimes I wonder when it's all going to fall apart, because it can't all be real. 

It is real, and it is you!  I know the feeling of growing up feeling like life is just a movie you watched.  It isn't, believe me.  There will be good parts and bad parts, but it only ends when you want it to.
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Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2009, 12:07:44 AM »

Keep the positive outlook and good things are going to come your way.
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"As we understand more things, everthing is becoming simpler"

Edward Teller
ThisIsNotMe
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 148



« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2009, 11:12:36 PM »

Back again, wasting time at uni while I wait for a train.
Yesterday I had some theory exams, which went quite well, and today was a dance exam - on individual music theatre style dance. Which I'm really, really bad at.  I think I scraped through.  Maybe.  After the assessments finished, we had a tutorial on entering, exiting, bowing and curtseying, which was surprisingly, very interesting.  It was all about making the audience feel welcome, keeping eye contact, creating a warm atmosphere.  Then about the correct bow/curtsey for the right occasion (I never imagined there were so many!), and then about exiting properly.  After which we learned about performing with others, so how to enter together, bow either together or separately, and acknowledge each other, and then exit, always together (unless a scene calls for otherwise).  But anyway, it was good, I learned a lot. 
Train'll be in soon, so I'd best get down to central. 
ThisIsNotMe
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elisedance
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« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2009, 05:49:36 AM »

well, you should be well set for walking onto and off the comp floor, anyway.  just got to fill in the bit inbetween Smiley
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
ThisIsNotMe
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 148



« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2009, 06:50:14 PM »

I'm back again!  I'm really excited about today, my class is recording some songs in the studio!  We're going into the professional studio to record some of our songs, the first is one that we performed at the Sydney Royal Easter Show this year, and the other two are parts of medleys, from musicals.  One is "Manhattan", and the other is "If I Loved You" by Rodgers and Hammerstein.  It's going to be great.  Though tedious, we'll be in the studio for five hours, for just three songs.  But anyways.  And I'm going home for the weekend, which will be nice, I'm catching a train home after uni, it'll take over two hours, but that's ok. 
I really wish I had the time to go back to dancing.  At the moment, I'm very lucky to fit in group classes a couple times a month. I miss it so much, it was very important to me for quite a while, and as soon as I can both fit it in and afford it, it'll become important again.  Though I have a feeling the next time I'll be having private lessons won't be till there are plans for a wedding well underway.  And that won't be for quite some time (as in a couple of years, at this point) yet.  Oh well, such is life, I suppose.
Off to the city!
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ThisIsNotMe
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 148



« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2009, 03:08:57 AM »

Oh, Monday.  Why must there be Mondays in life? 
Anyways, class today was boring, and the teacher was pretty tetchy, so we all did our best to behave, and do exactly what she wanted in our songs.  It was also cold and rainy, so that's rather depressing too. 
Recording on Friday went really well, it was exciting to learn about a new process.
Tomorrow I have yet another exam, on Aural this time, and before class I have to head to the doctors and have a blood test to check my thyroid function, which should be...exciting.  Especially given how much I love (read: hate) needles.
Had a nice weekend, though my dad made me wash, polish and wax my car...in the rain...but otherwise, it was nice.  Got to spend time with bf, which as usual, was nice. 
Better go!
TINM
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ThisIsNotMe
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 148



« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2009, 07:32:57 PM »

It's Tuesday today, and life is no longer seeming as rosy.  bf and I are having a rough time.  We love each other, but I'm starting to wonder if love is really enough. He needs to grow up.  A  lot.  And he needs to sort through a lot of issues. And stand up to his mother.  And do a lot of things.  There's a lot of issues.  He says he agrees with me that communication is important, and yet, he doesn't want to talk about the important stuff.  Those things, he wants to ignore and hope that the problems go away.  And everyone knows that it just doesn't work like that. 
For a while now I've been feeling like I've just had enough of the crap, but at the same time I don't want to break it off.  We've talked a lot about a future together that we'd like, but realistically, I don't know if I see it happening.  But he has so much trouble at home, he seems pretty depressed (not that he'll get help or talk to anyone  Undecided), that I feel like if I were to break it off, it would be much too hard on him, and he'd fall into a pit....I am really confused.
Add to that the fact that a guy that I was very interested in for a long time has come back on the scene, acting quite interested, and the fact that I'm noticing this...and you have one very, very confused young lady.
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Some guy
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« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2009, 08:14:57 PM »

So sorry to hear all this!  If it's any help, the Universe has three answers to many of our questions: "yes", "no", and "not right now.  Later".  You have to figure out what the Universe is telling you.  It's quite possible that you being there with him is stopping him from realizing what he needs to do.  It's harsh, but leaving him might be the most loving and important thing you can do for him... and yourself.  I've been there and done that, and I've been on the worst possible end of it: the "dumpee".  However, I thank God every day that she "left" me and that she cared enough for both of us to do that.  I would've hated being the person I was and it would've been terrible to have her resent me for that.  I'm a much better person for it and we're so much more happier in our individual lives than we could've ever been if we were still together.

Seeing what an amazing person you are, and being a guy who has been there, please don't hurt him too bad.  Girls like you are far too hard to come by.  Also, if you do end up calling it quits, don't jump into the other relationship too quickly as that will really throw a wrench in the works for both of you.  It has the potential to make it that much harder for him to deal with his issues as he'll be too distracted by your new relationship, and that in turn will make it even harder for you to enjoy your new relationship seeing as how much you obviously care for this guy you're currently with.  They say, "only fools rush in", and it's clear that you're no fool.  Best of luck, and just listen to the softest tiniest voice inside you: it usually has the correct answer.  Sometimes that tiny little voice has some of the harshest solutions and it's low volume makes it easy to ignore.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2009, 08:21:06 PM by Some guy » Logged
elisedance
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« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2009, 09:51:19 PM »

Thinking you have a doubt - is a doubt in itself.  The problem of course is deciding if its a growing pain that will subside or a substantial issue that will grow to unbearable size.  the key thing is to not make any long-term decisions until time sorts out that dilema for you.  As SG says, you have the answer in you already.  But beware the bird in the bush....  with your current patner you are very conscious of the bad as well as the good whereas you tend to see only the good projected by someone that you are attracted to....  Perhaps the best way to think about it is not as a choice between him and the other guy, but as between him and living alone for a while (since thats how it may end up).  If you decide the latter then you know your relationship really is over.

Good luck....
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
samina
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« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2009, 04:53:00 PM »

  We love each other, but I'm starting to wonder if love is really enough. ... 
For a while now I've been feeling like I've just had enough of the crap, but at the same time I don't want to break it off.  We've talked a lot about a future together that we'd like, but realistically, I don't know if I see it happening. 

love is love, but then there is the rich subject of compatibility. you may have evolved through the relationship to be ready for something else. there is a way to honor that without necessarily ending the relationship -- by truly finding a place of honoring how far you've come & what you're ready for now, it brings clarity, and just that alone can make it plain sometimes that a relationship has come to an end (for the the moment). or sometimes it can inspire a new phase of the relationship.

and sometimes... you gotta say "no" in order for the universe to say "yes" to what you really desire. otherwise there's no room in your life for it. Wink

you have it in you to find the right answer for now. trust it. Cheesy
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elisedance
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« Reply #12 on: November 04, 2009, 06:04:52 PM »

[I've missed you and your insight Sam!]
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
samina
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« Reply #13 on: November 04, 2009, 06:15:51 PM »

[why thank you, ee! it's nice to be missed! Cheesy]
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Some guy
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« Reply #14 on: November 04, 2009, 06:57:08 PM »

[why thank you, ee! it's nice to be missed! Cheesy]
Well ee, looks like you have to work on your aim!   Cheesy
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