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Author Topic: Good Jokes  (Read 5929 times)
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #45 on: February 07, 2011, 05:25:40 AM »

At a rehearsal, the conductor stops and shouts to the bass section: "You are out of tune. Check it, please!"

The first bassist pulls all his strings, says, "Our tuning is correct: all the strings are equally tight."

The first violist turns around and shouts, "You bloody idiot! It's not the tension. The pegs have to be parallel!"

 Grin
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #46 on: February 14, 2011, 06:48:14 AM »

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
     At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
     As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #47 on: March 14, 2011, 07:10:18 AM »

I THINK THIS IS WORTH RECYCLING..

It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate. I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way. I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it, since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do. Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion. So I decided not to rush it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings. Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory char- acter who was up to some good. She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently. The conversation became more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
Lioness
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« Reply #48 on: March 14, 2011, 07:33:37 AM »

BTM...I love that. Very clever.
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Bordertangoman
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« Reply #49 on: March 14, 2011, 08:20:56 AM »

BTM...I love that. Very clever.

i am not the author but not sure who is...
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
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« Reply #50 on: March 14, 2011, 09:01:24 AM »

I believe it was from the New Yorker... have to look it up
 
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
elisedance
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« Reply #51 on: March 14, 2011, 09:03:29 AM »

Hey, I was write! Wink
Jack Winter, the New Yorker, July 25, 1994
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #52 on: March 17, 2011, 11:59:21 AM »

The Big Bad Wolf - the True Story (I was framed)

http://www.shol.com/agita/wolfside.htm
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
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ee


« Reply #53 on: March 17, 2011, 02:08:04 PM »

The Big Bad Wolf - the True Story (I was framed)

http://www.shol.com/agita/wolfside.htm
cute...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
samina
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« Reply #54 on: March 29, 2011, 02:40:59 PM »

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
     At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
     As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"


ahaha...missed this one. love it. Smiley
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samina
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« Reply #55 on: March 29, 2011, 02:42:57 PM »

BTM...I love that. Very clever.
ditto... a good find.
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Bordertangoman
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« Reply #56 on: April 07, 2011, 09:05:14 AM »

better still

tango vs Salsa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWgIlD287hs&feature=feedu
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
Administrator
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Posts: 35042


ee


« Reply #57 on: April 07, 2011, 01:11:48 PM »

wierd.  A whole chapter on dancing and neither party moved a limb to music...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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Adelaide South Australia


« Reply #58 on: September 10, 2011, 04:15:35 AM »

... A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. I'm a gynaecologist". The proctologist fainted!
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Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty.  ~Author Unknown
Dance Forum
elisedance
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ee


« Reply #59 on: September 10, 2011, 05:52:50 AM »

Tongue Tongue Cheesy
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
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