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Author Topic: Bad Jokes  (Read 12226 times)
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #195 on: July 08, 2010, 04:17:04 AM »
Quote from: elisedance on July 07, 2010, 02:30:59 PM
urk..

go on then hit me with a good or funny bad joke! Tongue
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
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ee
« Reply #196 on: July 08, 2010, 05:57:40 AM »
Quote from: Bordertangoman on July 08, 2010, 04:17:04 AM
Quote from: elisedance on July 07, 2010, 02:30:59 PM
urk..

go on then hit me with a good or funny bad joke! Tongue
rightoo...

He Said To Me!

He said to me .. ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him ... . . You wear pants don't you?
  

He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
  
  

He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
  
  

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.
  
  

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
  
  

He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said . .. A widow.
  
  

He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
  
« Last Edit: July 08, 2010, 06:09:53 AM by elisedance » Logged
If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #197 on: July 08, 2010, 07:24:29 AM »
Well that almost raised  the thought of the idea of a flicker of a smile....
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
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« Reply #198 on: July 08, 2010, 10:14:44 AM »
oops.  then its on the wrong topic...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #199 on: July 08, 2010, 10:19:15 AM »
Quote from: elisedance on July 08, 2010, 10:14:44 AM
oops.  then its on the wrong topic...

dont you recognise irony?
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
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« Reply #200 on: July 08, 2010, 12:31:12 PM »
And so, ironically, the irony topic was born... Roll Eyes
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Some guy
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« Reply #201 on: July 08, 2010, 02:19:25 PM »
 Grin
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QPO
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Adelaide South Australia
« Reply #202 on: August 04, 2010, 11:11:07 PM »
What do you call a cow that just gave birth to a calf?


"Decafinated"
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Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty.  ~Author Unknown
Dance Forum
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #203 on: August 05, 2010, 04:11:32 AM »
Quote from: QPO on August 04, 2010, 11:11:07 PM
What do you call a cow that just gave birth to a calf?


"Decafinated"

very bad :lol:

have you ever heard "I'm Sorry I havnt a Clue?"
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
QPO
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Adelaide South Australia
« Reply #204 on: August 05, 2010, 04:36:06 AM »
well I am glad I succeeded!
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Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty.  ~Author Unknown
Dance Forum
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #205 on: August 05, 2010, 05:18:54 AM »
Driving with Penguins
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
QPO
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Posts: 19949


Adelaide South Australia
« Reply #206 on: August 05, 2010, 05:40:35 AM »
boom boom! Tongue
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Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty.  ~Author Unknown
Dance Forum
QPO
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Adelaide South Australia
« Reply #207 on: August 05, 2010, 05:40:59 AM »
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.  He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,....... just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So... I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year: "In ONE YEAR these windows will pay for themselves." "Helllooooo?
It's been a year!" I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.

He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
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Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty.  ~Author Unknown
Dance Forum
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #208 on: August 05, 2010, 06:13:50 AM »
Quote from: QPO on August 05, 2010, 05:40:35 AM
boom boom! Tongue

a lot of the animal jokes seemed to be filthy,, and not neceassarily funny either
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
Some guy
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Posts: 1432
« Reply #209 on: August 05, 2010, 11:44:17 AM »
What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!
« Last Edit: August 06, 2010, 12:25:35 AM by Some guy » Logged
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