partnerdanceonline.com
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 02, 2014, 03:04:35 PM

Login with username, password and session length
Search:     Advanced search
A lot of people are visiting Smiley Smiley
Undecided Undecided but not many are posting....
please say hi Cheesy
116439 Posts in 1855 Topics by 221 Members
Latest Member: EVE_Dance
* Home Help Search Calendar Login Register
+  partnerdanceonline.com
|-+  Partner Dancing
| |-+  Social dancin' (Moderators: QPO, Lioness, ZPomeroy)
| | |-+  Pick me - please?..... Pretty please??
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 6 Print
Author Topic: Pick me - please?..... Pretty please??  (Read 7139 times)
elisedance
Administrator
Blackpool Finalist
*****
Posts: 34997


ee


« on: May 08, 2009, 05:59:09 AM »

So you go to the social studio and you get directed to the 'Singles Table' and there you sit with (mostly) other women, wallflowers while the couples dance the night away.  And then you go home.

It happend to me several times before I got a partner - before I started asking the men myself (and then got critisized - by the other women - for being unfeminine - we're pretty old fashioned up here).

So how do you get guys to ask you to dance?
Logged

If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
Gold Star
***
Posts: 6088



« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2009, 07:12:26 AM »

If you are a gentle-man like me, you wont mind being asked, but  a man following  the milonguero codigos will say no.
Logged

”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
QPO
Moderator
Continental Champion
****
Posts: 20817


Adelaide South Australia


« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2009, 07:17:38 AM »

Well I hear this often by women and I am afraid I would be too assertive to sit there and wait. I would ask a man if he was sitting down. Otherwise I will learn to be a boy and ask the women up. I dont go to a dance to sit there and wait to be asked.
Logged

Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty.  ~Author Unknown
Dance Forum
elisedance
Administrator
Blackpool Finalist
*****
Posts: 34997


ee


« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2009, 07:57:25 AM »

If you are a gentle-man like me, you wont mind being asked, but  a man following  the milonguero codigos will say no.
I'm afraid I don't understand all the AT terms - milonguero codigos?
Logged

If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
cornutt
Administrator
Silver
*****
Posts: 1845


« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2009, 09:38:00 AM »

I'm afraid I don't understand all the AT terms - milonguero codigos?

BTM knows a lot more about it than I do, but there's a traditional protocol for how one obtains a dance/tanda in AT.  It involves eye contact, and it definitely has to be initiated by the man.  There's a term for it, which I've gone blank on right now.

Logged
Bordertangoman
Gold Star
***
Posts: 6088



« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2009, 09:43:18 AM »

I'm afraid I don't understand all the AT terms - milonguero codigos?

BTM knows a lot more about it than I do, but there's a traditional protocol for how one obtains a dance/tanda in AT.  It involves eye contact, and it definitely has to be initiated by the man.  There's a term for it, which I've gone blank on right now.



cabeza - eye contact: but its  a faux pas for the woman to ask in BsAs. they dont have female leaders there either. Milonguero style tango is where the weight/axis is shared, but Milongueros are a bit like the dark side Jedi knights ( or at least that's how they like to see themselves) me i'm just a pussycat ( of the jaguar variety; small wiry and with a pounce to be reckoned with!)
Logged

”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
cornutt
Administrator
Silver
*****
Posts: 1845


« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2009, 09:55:57 AM »

So you go to the social studio and you get directed to the 'Singles Table' and there you sit with (mostly) other women, wallflowers while the couples dance the night away.  And then you go home.

You've written before about the social dance scene in Toronto, and it sounds, well, uptight -- I can't think of a better word to describe it.  It always surprises me, because back when I was travelling a lot to Toronto, that wasn't the general impression I had of the place.  But I never tried to go dancing there either.  (I was a beginner then, and I didn't have the confidence to walk into a place where I didn't know anyone and start asking women to dance.) 

There was a thread on DF (which unfortunately went on longer than it should have) about whether or not couples at a social dance have an obligation to mix and dance with other partners.  There are a lot of factors there, and I won't go into them in this thread (good topic for a new thread), but I will point out that, at least in my area, the vast majority of new dancers come in unescorted.  If singles can't get dances, then they will leave and the dance scene won't grow. 
Logged
captain jep
Bronze
*
Posts: 299



« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2009, 10:02:16 AM »

I'm afraid I don't understand all the AT terms - milonguero codigos?

BTM knows a lot more about it than I do, but there's a traditional protocol for how one obtains a dance/tanda in AT.  It involves eye contact, and it definitely has to be initiated by the man.  There's a term for it, which I've gone blank on right now.



cabeza - eye contact: but its  a faux pas for the woman to ask in BsAs. they dont have female leaders there either. Milonguero style tango is where the weight/axis is shared, but Milongueros are a bit like the dark side Jedi knights ( or at least that's how they like to see themselves) me i'm just a pussycat ( of the jaguar variety; small wiry and with a pounce to be reckoned with!)

What are you like BTM? Forgive my colleague - I will translate further ...

In BA at the traditional dance places the guys sit down one side of the wall the women sit down the other. The guy invites the lady to dance by eye contact. If she accepts she nods her head - this is called the cabaceo ("nod" = cabaceo").

If a woman goes up to a guy and asks him to dance this is breaking the codigos (codes) of the dance hall . Ditto if a man walks up to a lady and asks her to dance.The idea of the cabaceo is that it gives the lady the chance to say No. If you stand in front of her table you dont give her that chance.

Needless to say there is great debate about whether this system is "good" or "bad".  Either way it is still prevalent in BsAs.
Logged

Do not go gently into that good night ...
captain jep
Bronze
*
Posts: 299



« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2009, 10:05:12 AM »

So you go to the social studio and you get directed to the 'Singles Table' and there you sit with (mostly) other women, wallflowers while the couples dance the night away.  And then you go home.

You've written before about the social dance scene in Toronto, and it sounds, well, uptight -- I can't think of a better word to describe it.  It always surprises me, because back when I was travelling a lot to Toronto, that wasn't the general impression I had of the place.  But I never tried to go dancing there either.  (I was a beginner then, and I didn't have the confidence to walk into a place where I didn't know anyone and start asking women to dance.) 

There was a thread on DF (which unfortunately went on longer than it should have) about whether or not couples at a social dance have an obligation to mix and dance with other partners.  There are a lot of factors there, and I won't go into them in this thread (good topic for a new thread), but I will point out that, at least in my area, the vast majority of new dancers come in unescorted.  If singles can't get dances, then they will leave and the dance scene won't grow. 

I think that's great. Sheesh a lot of people dance in order to meet the opposite sex. Yes the BR scene wont grow - instead all the singles will go off to tango or salsa instead Wink
Logged

Do not go gently into that good night ...
elisedance
Administrator
Blackpool Finalist
*****
Posts: 34997


ee


« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2009, 01:41:16 PM »

Here a dance partnership is like a marriage - hey, wait a minute in excess of a marriage - that institution has evolved.  IF he is there, a man would not ask me to dance without asking my partner's permission first.  The consequence is that I have not danced with a man other than my partner at a social for over 6 months (probably a lot more).
Logged

If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Rugby
reg mods
Gold
****
Posts: 3593



« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2009, 02:21:30 PM »

We go to two different social dances but the women are as forward as the men at asking someone to dance.  I don't think twice about asking a guy to dance but the generation of more genteel ladies that waited for the man to make a move was a bit before my time.  I do a have a few older friends that have gone and would not think of asking the men.  They didn't dance much.  The men say they are glad if I ask as they are too intimidated to do so.  If I ask they know I don't mind dancing with them and now they ask me back.

Elise has a good point, it is like you're married.  Ladies ask me ahead of time if they can dance with my DP and men ask my DP about dancing with me.  We don't mind dancing around so its not a problem with either of us.  If we have a comp the next day people will leave us to do our thing, which we find very considerate.
Logged

Everyone tries to rush up through the syllabus levles and think once they are at the top they have arrived.  What they don't realize is that by doing this it is like skimming through a book, you may get the gist but you will never understand the story.
cornutt
Administrator
Silver
*****
Posts: 1845


« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2009, 08:00:31 PM »

Elise has a good point, it is like you're married.  Ladies ask me ahead of time if they can dance with my DP and men ask my DP about dancing with me.  

That is so different from the culture at our studio.  We figure that anyone within eyesight of the dance floor is fair game.   Grin  Of course, if a lady (or a man, for that matter) turns down a dance saying "I'm sorry; I'm only dancing with my partner tonight", that has to be respected.  But we don't get that much. 
Logged
elisedance
Administrator
Blackpool Finalist
*****
Posts: 34997


ee


« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2009, 09:55:29 PM »

I may drive to your studio every friday night.... better start off on Saturday of course...
Logged

If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
cornutt
Administrator
Silver
*****
Posts: 1845


« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2009, 10:09:26 PM »

I may drive to your studio every friday night.... better start off on Saturday of course...

Take Delta through Cincinnati.   Wink
Logged
cornutt
Administrator
Silver
*****
Posts: 1845


« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2009, 10:12:48 PM »

Seriously, Elise, I wish I knew what to tell you.  The social scene where you are is just wrong.  Especially for Toronto -- that's a head-scratcher.  It would be like going to New York and being told that all of the bars are closed on Sunday.
Logged
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 6 Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.11 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!