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Author Topic: sadness  (Read 3816 times)
elisedance
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Posts: 34984


ee


« on: January 11, 2012, 09:25:13 PM »

sadness is unlike grief, though you are sad of course when you are grieving. 

I was sad tonight.  I went to the practice night at the big floor.  Several friends were there and I tried to dance but it was all one leg dancing - and it wasn't the one step either (qv) that would have at least been fun... the teacher who hosts the event took pity on me and danced a bachata with me.  Which was fun since I had no idea how to do that - I think thats the most pleasurable form of dancing when you have no idea how to do it but have to anyway...

Sad?  I was missing DP.  I wish I could say 'a DP' but it wasn't I was missing him.  For so long I could take for granted foxtrots and walltzes and now they were no longer there.  Its not the same with a coach, because its not about dancing with me so much as dancing with somebody.

I suppose I was grieving too.  Why tonight?  I have no idea, perhaps I've reached some critical period after an end.  Or maybe its because his birthday is coming up.  Or... I don't know.

Glad I have my violin.
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
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Posts: 6088



« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2012, 04:19:30 AM »

oh the pleasure of melancholy

I expect you played "Hearts and Flowers" on your violin
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
samina
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Posts: 1584



« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2012, 09:32:02 AM »

takes time to grieve, elise...and your sadness is understandable.

feeling appreciation for what you shared together, and gratitude in advance for what you might share with your future DP can help...but sometimes sadness just needs to be honored before it can go away.

glad you have your violin, too...what an expressive instrument for that emotion!
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Bordertangoman
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Posts: 6088



« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2012, 10:02:24 AM »

oh the pleasure of melancholy

I expect you played "Hearts and Flowers" on your violin

mind you I usualyy listen to whassername

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdJx86b0wuc

man in the long black coat
Crickets are chirping
The water is high
There’s a soft cotton dress on the line
Hang dry
The window’s wide open
African trees
Bent over backwards
In a hurricane breeze

Not a word of goodbye
Not even a note
She’s gone with the man in the
Long black coat

Somebody seen him
Hangin’ around
At the old dance hall
On the outskirts of town
He looked into her eyes
When she stopped him to ask
If he wanted to dance
He had a face like a mask
Somebody said
From the bible he quote
There was dust on the man in the
Long black coat
Preacher was talking
There’s a sermon he gave
Said every man’s conscience
Is vile and deprave
You can not depend on it
To be your guide
When it’s you
Who must keep it satisfied

It ain’t easy to swallow
It sticks in the throat
She gave her heart to the man in the
Long black coat

One, two
There are no mistakes in life
Some people say
It’s true sometimes
You can see it that way
People don’t live or die
People just float
She gave her heart to the man in the
Long black coat

There’s smoke on the water
It’s been there since June
Tree trunks uprooted
In the high crescent moon
Hear the pulse
And vibration
And the rumblin’ force
Somebody’s out there
Beating on a dead horse

She never said nothin’
There was nothin’ she wrote
She’s gone with the man in the
Long black coat
She’s gone with the man in the
Long black coat
She’s gone
She’s gone
Gone with the man in the
Long black coat
Gone with the man in the
Long black coat
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
Administrator
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Posts: 34984


ee


« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2012, 12:49:45 PM »

Thanks sam. I actually don't think there will be another DP, its not in the cards as such.

They are amazing lyrics BTM...
ee
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
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Posts: 6088



« Reply #5 on: January 16, 2012, 04:49:47 AM »

Thanks sam. I actually don't think there will be another DP, its not in the cards as such.

They are amazing lyrics BTM...
ee

they might be Dylan's but he has a voice like somehow grating a bit of rusty metal on a cheesegrater..
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
QPO
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Posts: 20807


Adelaide South Australia


« Reply #6 on: January 21, 2012, 03:58:41 AM »

your sadness is to be expected. you are greiving a loss of your DP and your dance. I am sure I would feel the same way. As Sam mentioned it is good you have your Violin to allow you to continue your creative flow.

Lets see what 2012 will bring... you just dont know what will come around the corner.
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elisedance
Administrator
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Posts: 34984


ee


« Reply #7 on: January 21, 2012, 04:28:48 AM »

your sadness is to be expected. you are greiving a loss of your DP and your dance. I am sure I would feel the same way. As Sam mentioned it is good you have your Violin to allow you to continue your creative flow.

Lets see what 2012 will bring... you just dont know what will come around the corner.
Smiley

The corners you turn somehow never are the ones you see nor the ones you even exect.  So yes, who knows...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Dancerette
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 123


« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2012, 11:16:01 AM »

EE, did your DP quit cold turkey, just stop dancing? I wonder if something else might be going on in his life, and/or if there's any chance once he's over whatever he's going through, he'll be back. (That is, if it's a life event he's dealing with vs. a major life shift, of course)

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elisedance
Administrator
Blackpool Finalist
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Posts: 34984


ee


« Reply #9 on: January 21, 2012, 01:28:54 PM »

EE, did your DP quit cold turkey, just stop dancing? I wonder if something else might be going on in his life, and/or if there's any chance once he's over whatever he's going through, he'll be back. (That is, if it's a life event he's dealing with vs. a major life shift, of course)



He's the guy they penned the phrase 'a man of few words' for.  I don't really know why, all I can do is believe what he told me.  He's also a man of decision. i.e. once he does something he never goes back.  In a weird way, its all rather attractive in the old fashioned man as caveman model, but after that its just infuriating with the modern 'man as communicator' model. 

Which means, basically, that its over even if he had the dearest wish to change his mind.  OF course its also possible that there is a new woman in his life - maybe a potential life partner.  IF thats the case I really do wish him the best because that was a role I simply could not fill.
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Dancerette
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 123


« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2012, 10:22:52 AM »

Dancing together is one of the most physically involved past times I can imagine. I wonder how can one can remain so emotionally closed after many hours of being with somebody, sharing adventures, working toward a common goal; or even why someone with that type of emotional make up would chose such an intimate endeavour?

Psychological mysteries intrigue me, but i wont pry any more.

I so wish for you a tall, ability-matched new partner!

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elisedance
Administrator
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Posts: 34984


ee


« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2012, 11:18:19 AM »

Dancing together is one of the most physically involved past times I can imagine. I wonder how can one can remain so emotionally closed after many hours of being with somebody, sharing adventures, working toward a common goal; or even why someone with that type of emotional make up would chose such an intimate endeavour?

Psychological mysteries intrigue me, but i wont pry any more.

I so wish for you a tall, ability-matched new partner!



You aren't prying at all - after all I put it out there and I would love to have some answers too.  I mean we not only danced together we travelled hours  by car and even went for a week to Majorca for a comp.  Basically had a very enjoyable holiday together.  I think what hurts most is that I can understand and have to respect him stopping dancing but why would he also stop all communication?  Its not like we fought or had a disagreement.  I feel a bit like a used up set of car tires...

The thing now is to keep open to options.  A big mistake is to look too narrowly for where one should go next - sure I would love to have a tall slim briliant champion-level amateur partner - one who has grace and who appreciates me.  But thats does not seem to be in the cards for me next.  What happened instead is almost commical: a pro with almost exactly opposite characteristics - but who is without doubt the most knowledgeable dance teacher I have ever met or could dream of meeting, at least within driving distance of where I live.  From an amateur partnership with good partnership atitudes but, to be honest, only mediocre dance performance, I am now immersed in a pro-am teaching relationship that is transforming me as a dancer.  Indeed, I find it hard to put into words - finally I am learning how to actually dance ballroom, from the basic foot action to understanding music and even the relationship between body, music and movement.  I can't share this yet, not because I don't want to but because the changes are so extreme it has to gel within me. 

My favorite quote from DSV is: "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear".  It seems I was ready.  I now have to wonder if its possible DP sensed that too...  Of course the experience begs the question - where does this go next?  And that I have to leave open, because maybe its not dance comps maybe its something else...  But one question is already aswered: I could not now go back to DP, even if he wanted to (which he would not).

 

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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
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***
Posts: 6088



« Reply #12 on: January 23, 2012, 04:48:32 AM »

Dancing together is one of the most physically involved past times I can imagine. I wonder how can one can remain so emotionally closed after many hours of being with somebody, sharing adventures, working toward a common goal; or even why someone with that type of emotional make up would chose such an intimate endeavour?

*SNORT*
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
Administrator
Blackpool Finalist
*****
Posts: 34984


ee


« Reply #13 on: January 23, 2012, 05:16:16 AM »

Dancing together is one of the most physically involved past times I can imagine. I wonder how can one can remain so emotionally closed after many hours of being with somebody, sharing adventures, working toward a common goal; or even why someone with that type of emotional make up would chose such an intimate endeavour?

*SNORT*
BTM, you're priceless...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
Gold Star
***
Posts: 6088



« Reply #14 on: January 23, 2012, 06:43:46 AM »

Dancing together is one of the most physically involved past times I can imagine. I wonder how can one can remain so emotionally closed after many hours of being with somebody, sharing adventures, working toward a common goal; or even why someone with that type of emotional make up would chose such an intimate endeavour?

*SNORT*
BTM, you're priceless...

hrrmmmph


given recent experiences I am very cynical..

my dancing is sticking to the purely technical...
Logged

”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
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