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Author Topic: Partnership age differences  (Read 3238 times)
elisedance
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ee


« Reply #15 on: April 26, 2011, 10:14:44 PM »

A couple of members have mentioned a large age difference between them and their DP.  Are there any additional challenges that this makes?  For example goals, practicalities or expenses.


All three.  In the end the age difference can be a problem, especially as you get older it starts to become more of an issue.

Both ends I think R - when you are young the odds are that one will move away and when older that one will loose interest or will move away (on retirement say).  Then there is in the middle stages where one may move away due to a different career stage....

Maybe both ends and the middle!
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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« Reply #16 on: April 27, 2011, 12:30:21 AM »

He looks at her so besotted and they are very cuddly together....  the grass is greener?Huh Roll Eyes
How sad for the wife.  I hope there's something we don't know and that the situation is actually better than it seems. 

"The grass is always greener over the septic tank" - Erma Bombeck.

no it is not a happy ending....he ended the relationship with his wife. I truly hope he thinks it is worth it.
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elisedance
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« Reply #17 on: April 27, 2011, 06:07:11 AM »

He looks at her so besotted and they are very cuddly together....  the grass is greener?Huh Roll Eyes
How sad for the wife.  I hope there's something we don't know and that the situation is actually better than it seems. 

"The grass is always greener over the septic tank" - Erma Bombeck.

no it is not a happy ending....he ended the relationship with his wife. I truly hope he thinks it is worth it.

Pie in the sky - couple of years he is going to realize that he traded love for lust....
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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« Reply #18 on: April 28, 2011, 04:45:31 AM »

one can only hope!
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millitiz
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« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2011, 05:55:05 PM »

Hmm, it's interesting that people looked at that perspective - which I have never thought about. But then, all of my partnerships lasted no more than two years. Although I think 3-4 years seems to be a reasonable period of time. Of course it might be different from the otherside of the partnership, but 3-4 years gives one enough time to improve, no matte what level you are at, and therefore being more "attractive" as a potential partner, IMHO.

Also, there is a sense that, maybe one of the couple within the partnership is too good, that dancing with him or her is wasting his or her talent. For instance, my last partner is really talented. An I truly believe that she would have a better future by dancing with other guys matching her talent. Of course, there is a sense of lost, but I still wish her good luck.

I was thinking about which category to compete in - that might be a bit problematic.

Also the physicality. I am pretty certain that I would be worse, physically in 10 years from now (of course, there are other advantage in being older - for instance, experience). And being competitive in dancesport, unfortunately physicality does count.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2011, 08:30:44 PM by millitiz » Logged
elisedance
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« Reply #20 on: May 12, 2011, 03:40:29 AM »

Also, there is a sense that, maybe one of the couple within the partnership is too good, that dancing with him or her is wasting his or her talent. For instance, my last partner is really talented. An I truly believe that she would have a better future by dancing with other guys matching her talent. Of course, there is a sense of lost, but I still wish her good luck.

That is amazingly generous of you.  Most people lack the self-critisism to be able to understand this.  OTOH don't sell yourself short!  You may be much better than you think...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #21 on: May 12, 2011, 11:40:47 AM »

It depends on where people are in their life as well. I.e. if you happen to live in a university town and decide to partner a younger college student, they will eventually graduate and move, and you will be in the same position as you started. You may well have same shorter-term dance goals (like for the next 2-4 years), but in the long run the partnership is not going to work because the younger individual has to get on with the rest of their life.

well, then they have thier priorities wrong!  Tongue
Or maybe they have them right and want to move someplace with a bigger dance scene.

Ah yes, dump the old partner and get a sporty new model...
..... the dancer is always greener on the other side of the floor...

(but beware the 'greener' double entendre.. Wink )

WELL THAT ONE WENT OVER MY HEAD...there are very few women interested in AT . I think the music is too archaic
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ttd
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« Reply #22 on: May 12, 2011, 01:13:37 PM »

Hmm, it's interesting that people looked at that perspective - which I have never thought about. But then, all of my partnerships lasted no more than two years. Although I think 3-4 years seems to be a reasonable period of time. Of course it might be different from the otherside of the partnership, but 3-4 years gives one enough time to improve, no matte what level you are at, and therefore being more "attractive" as a potential partner, IMHO.
Maybe, but what if you already have experience and a potential partner is behind you, you don't get to improve as much while you wait for them to catch up (if the difference is big - like you're a follow doing gold & open and a prospective partner is doing bronze), and if they decide to move in 3-4 years, then you just trained up a partner for someone else without getting much in return.
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millitiz
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« Reply #23 on: May 13, 2011, 09:24:15 PM »

Hmm, it's interesting that people looked at that perspective - which I have never thought about. But then, all of my partnerships lasted no more than two years. Although I think 3-4 years seems to be a reasonable period of time. Of course it might be different from the otherside of the partnership, but 3-4 years gives one enough time to improve, no matte what level you are at, and therefore being more "attractive" as a potential partner, IMHO.
Maybe, but what if you already have experience and a potential partner is behind you, you don't get to improve as much while you wait for them to catch up (if the difference is big - like you're a follow doing gold & open and a prospective partner is doing bronze), and if they decide to move in 3-4 years, then you just trained up a partner for someone else without getting much in return.

Then my question is - why bother to form the partnership?

Obviously, these are my personal opinions. When I look for a new partnership, I look for compatible goals. If he would have the same goal (for me, it is reaching high result) - then he would need to work hard - super hard. On himself. And we better talk about it and make it clear at the start. If he is not willing to put in the time, well, I could wait for another partner...And also, I think the person need to be crystal clear about the moving part. He (in this case) need to be honest. And I, as a person, would make it clear that, I also want to get something out of it.

On the other hand, if I dance with a person with lesser experience, then s/he probably has the potential, and hard work to improve him or herself.

Also, why wait? Or rather, why not look at it in a different light? I mean, there are a lot of things to work on (might be different for lead and follow). For instance, I could practice on my movement. There are always something to practice, IMHO. I used to dance with a considering a less experience foilow (I know, lead and follow might be different) - I practiced/relearned a lot of the things I thought I already knew (but actually didn't). It was a humbling experience (and she is talent, too).

At the end, I would like to say, yes, it is frustrating. Eventually, a stable partnership would be great. And Originally, I was more thinking about people with a level, a level and a half of difference. So it is a bit easier to catch up.
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elisedance
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« Reply #24 on: May 13, 2011, 10:36:51 PM »

I think even a short term partnership can be very beneficial - just having someone to practise with and go to the occasional social really expands the dance time and investment.  It also gets you into 'the field' so that you are exposed to other dancers and if and when the partnershp breaks up you are more likely to find a new and maybe more stable partner.  If the dancing is awful because of personality, goal or ability level then obviously think twice....
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

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Bordertangoman
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« Reply #25 on: May 16, 2011, 05:18:43 AM »

I think even a short term partnership can be very beneficial - just having someone to practise with and go to the occasional social really expands the dance time and investment.  It also gets you into 'the field' so that you are exposed to other dancers and if and when the partnershp breaks up you are more likely to find a new and maybe more stable partner.  If the dancing is awful because of personality, goal or ability level then obviously think twice....

that's the one that gets me, no-one around half good enough to be worth practicing with.
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
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ee


« Reply #26 on: May 16, 2011, 07:31:52 AM »

I think even a short term partnership can be very beneficial - just having someone to practise with and go to the occasional social really expands the dance time and investment.  It also gets you into 'the field' so that you are exposed to other dancers and if and when the partnershp breaks up you are more likely to find a new and maybe more stable partner.  If the dancing is awful because of personality, goal or ability level then obviously think twice....

that's the one that gets me, no-one around half good enough to be worth practicing with.

Not an easy problem to fix.  In my case if my DP quit I would have 0 options - no one at my level AND height in ontario...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
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« Reply #27 on: May 16, 2011, 09:16:29 AM »

I think even a short term partnership can be very beneficial - just having someone to practise with and go to the occasional social really expands the dance time and investment.  It also gets you into 'the field' so that you are exposed to other dancers and if and when the partnershp breaks up you are more likely to find a new and maybe more stable partner.  If the dancing is awful because of personality, goal or ability level then obviously think twice....

that's the one that gets me, no-one around half good enough to be worth practicing with.

Not an easy problem to fix.  In my case if my DP quit I would have 0 options - no one at my level AND height in ontario...

how tall are you in heels?
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
elisedance
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Posts: 35042


ee


« Reply #28 on: May 16, 2011, 10:50:49 AM »

I think even a short term partnership can be very beneficial - just having someone to practise with and go to the occasional social really expands the dance time and investment.  It also gets you into 'the field' so that you are exposed to other dancers and if and when the partnershp breaks up you are more likely to find a new and maybe more stable partner.  If the dancing is awful because of personality, goal or ability level then obviously think twice....

that's the one that gets me, no-one around half good enough to be worth practicing with.

Not an easy problem to fix.  In my case if my DP quit I would have 0 options - no one at my level AND height in ontario...

how tall are you in heels?
6ft
without 5'2"... Roll Eyes Grin 
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Bordertangoman
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Posts: 6088



« Reply #29 on: May 16, 2011, 11:40:11 AM »

I think even a short term partnership can be very beneficial - just having someone to practise with and go to the occasional social really expands the dance time and investment.  It also gets you into 'the field' so that you are exposed to other dancers and if and when the partnershp breaks up you are more likely to find a new and maybe more stable partner.  If the dancing is awful because of personality, goal or ability level then obviously think twice....

that's the one that gets me, no-one around half good enough to be worth practicing with.

Not an easy problem to fix.  In my case if my DP quit I would have 0 options - no one at my level AND height in ontario...

how tall are you in heels?
6ft
without 5'2"... Roll Eyes Grin 


you thumbelina you..6ft is too tall for me  I am 5'4"
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”We need a witness to our lives.  There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. "
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