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Author Topic: Finding a dance partner  (Read 9777 times)
ttd
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Posts: 642


« Reply #60 on: July 24, 2014, 04:22:51 PM »

I'm not a marrying kind anymore.
How about a valet?  Cheesy
You know, I don't like where this is going. This is the kind of thing that perpetuates the idea that single people looking for dance partners look for something else, too.
I think that's silly.  Do you know how many women (as far as I am aware, it almost always that way round) have paid for successful eastern-European males to come to NA to be their partners?  Its very common and its a business deal that gets the man a visa while getting the female one a prime dance partner.  There are also umpteen cases of girls here where the parents pay the amateur partner a stipend plus all the teaching, clothes and entry costs.   By the way, the cases I know of are very carefully chaperoned and, if you know dancers, the serious ones will not jeopardize their partnership with possible complications resulting from personal interactions.
You're talking about people who have enough money to afford that sort of thing. I really don't care about them or what they do, I'm not in their financial league and never will be, and I'm not a young girl in need of a chaperone either, so that's a bad comparison. If we talk about normal people looking for dance partners, it's not that uncommon that singles really look for someone to dance and have a relationship with (stupid idea, imo, but it happens often enough). I recall posts on DF complaining about this, and I recall seeing partner ads worded so that it sounded as if the person was looking for companionship/relationship and wasn't a serious competitive dancer (maybe that was truth in advertising). This is why I think that suggesting that the best way for a competitive dancer to get a committed partner is to marry him, is counter-productive in a sense that it perpetuates the idea that partner dancing and relationship go together.
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elisedance
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« Reply #61 on: July 24, 2014, 05:05:28 PM »

This is an open forum TTD, we're not just talking about you we're talking about the 'general case' and for that all of the above apply.  Only you know what applies for you.

We're not advising to marry either just exploring the possibility that marriage may be a factor in getting a dance partner.  In my case it was not - my ex was an excellent dancer but hated to dance with me - but I have seen quite a lot of partnerships that work pretty well in marriage - at least the commitment factor is already there.

And if someone is looking for a life partner using dance as a bait - well, caveat emptor; its no different really than using a powerful job, a position in the arts, a fancy car or gads of money. 

The simple fact is that there are very few men out there looking for a serious dance partner.  It seems that in most places there are far more women.  The problem as I see it is that partnerdancing is intimate and requires a lot of honesty and give and take.  If there are only 2 men to chose from what are the odds that that honesty and give and take will happen?  Just about zilch unless one or other of the couple is willing to make a lot of sacrifices for the sake of the dance partnership.  And even so the chance that the partner will split once a slightly more able/attractive/rich you name it comes along is woefully high.

Its interesting to read what SG writes on AM partnerships in the active give and take topic (can't recall the exact name).  That in essence virtually all the couples he knows are both scanning for the next partner to 'move up to' all the time.
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
sandralw
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« Reply #62 on: June 30, 2015, 02:51:13 AM »

Well.. here's an interesting turn of events... I'd love to hear opinions on...

I'm not allowed to dance (competitively speaking) for a while due to a foot injury.  My husband and I were planning to compete in Pro/Am, but now I'm looking for an Amateur lady for him to dance Am/Am events.  He is quite good and does both Ballroom & Latin (not all dances are created equal - unfortunately  Wink).

We have our own floor in our home and I am willing to train her and them as a couple and also have access to world level coaching. He has just turned 71 and stands 5'11"

What a fabulous opportunity you say?  Absolutely... and not one taker so far...

Ladies are always complaining about the lack of men partners, but when a better than perfect opportunity arises they all disappear.  I just do not understand it.  I would have KILLED for an Amateur partner back in the day...

Anyone want to weigh in?
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Some guy
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« Reply #63 on: July 06, 2015, 04:04:27 PM »

Wow, I don't understand it either!  I think Dancing With the Stars has muddled the pool of ballroom dancers to such an extent that people don't want to really learn how to dance, they just want to feel like they are on the show. 
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Some guy
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« Reply #64 on: July 06, 2015, 04:05:00 PM »

Many ladies in my neck of the woods are always complaining about a lack of dance partners.  They promise complete sponsorship as well.  I tell them to go into any beginner ballroom class where the girls to guys ratio is very favorable, from what I've seen, and snatch one of the men before they lose interest.  This is because by the 2nd month, that ratio drops to 90/10.  Their answer: "beginners!?!  What?!  We're high level dancers!".

If the problem is that there is a lack of men, then maybe they can look where there are plenty of men and do the work to build them up. I'm pointing them right to the source.  If all those women grabbed a beginner man and worked with them, chances are, there will be lots of men in the scene.  There's nothing to test your ability as a "high-level" dancer than training and dancing with a beginner.  When I was first picked for competition, it was because a high level dancer showed up to my beginners class, helped out with the class for a few weeks, picked me, and asked her coach to train me up. After we parted ways because she took a hiatus, she came back to the dance world and did the same thing: went into a beginners class, picked a guy, and built him up.  Then she did it a third time.  Basically, it seemed like whenever she wanted to, she could leave the scene and come back and find another serious competitor that gave everyone a run for their money.  Then she quit for good, BUT each time, within 6-months, she had podium or first-place finish.  Meanwhile, the same batch of ladies, much younger back then, were playing the same tune: "no high level guys to compete with!".  They used to always look at her in amazement and talk about how "lucky" she was to get a good partner whenever she felt like coming back to the dance world.  She wasn't lucky, she was smart, and looked where the men were, not where they weren't. Then put in the work.
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elisedance
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« Reply #65 on: July 06, 2015, 08:52:36 PM »

Many ladies in my neck of the woods are always complaining about a lack of dance partners.  They promise complete sponsorship as well.  I tell them to go into any beginner ballroom class where the girls to guys ratio is very favorable, from what I've seen, and snatch one of the men before they lose interest.  This is because by the 2nd month, that ratio drops to 90/10.  Their answer: "beginners!?!  What?!  We're high level dancers!".

If the problem is that there is a lack of men, then maybe they can look where there are plenty of men and do the work to build them up. I'm pointing them right to the source.  If all those women grabbed a beginner man and worked with them, chances are, there will be lots of men in the scene.  There's nothing to test your ability as a "high-level" dancer than training and dancing with a beginner.  When I was first picked for competition, it was because a high level dancer showed up to my beginners class, helped out with the class for a few weeks, picked me, and asked her coach to train me up. After we parted ways because she took a hiatus, she came back to the dance world and did the same thing: went into a beginners class, picked a guy, and built him up.  Then she did it a third time.  Basically, it seemed like whenever she wanted to, she could leave the scene and come back and find another serious competitor that gave everyone a run for their money.  Then she quit for good, BUT each time, within 6-months, she had podium or first-place finish.  Meanwhile, the same batch of ladies, much younger back then, were playing the same tune: "no high level guys to compete with!".  They used to always look at her in amazement and talk about how "lucky" she was to get a good partner whenever she felt like coming back to the dance world.  She wasn't lucky, she was smart, and looked where the men were, not where they weren't. Then put in the work.

Thats all very well but the women looking are the hard-core dancers, the guys, on the other hand are mostly  95%? looking for another kind of dancer the other 5% are very willing to have a senior trained woman dance and teach them so that once they feel competent they can grab a 25 yr old star and dance with her.  Do you have any idea what its like to put several years into building a dance partnership only to be dumped for eye candy?  Of course its just a mirror of real life relationships too - but at least there one has a much more diverse investment.  Now if the guys had to sign a contract that they would stay as long as they had recieved free training.... 
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Some guy
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« Reply #66 on: July 07, 2015, 02:32:08 PM »

Thats all very well but the women looking are the hard-core dancers, the guys, on the other hand are mostly  95%? looking for another kind of dancer the other 5% are very willing to have a senior trained woman dance and teach them so that once they feel competent they can grab a 25 yr old star and dance with her.  Do you have any idea what its like to put several years into building a dance partnership only to be dumped for eye candy?  Of course its just a mirror of real life relationships too - but at least there one has a much more diverse investment.  Now if the guys had to sign a contract that they would stay as long as they had recieved free training....  

I think you refuted your own point here when you said that the same exact thing could be said about personal relationships.  None of the three guys this one girl picked up ever dumped her for someone better looking or younger, and you know as well as I do, that wasn't hard to do in the dance world.

I think the difference in opinion lies on the focus. I think as long as you focus on what's in it for you, you'll never lose. If you focus on what the other can bring to your life, then, just like on the floor, everything starts to fall apart. I've personally brought up about 2 complete beginners who both quit, then another semi-experienced dancer who went on to do pro-am for the glamour and glitz of the pro-am world (there is such a thing), and others who have just quit or pursued other dance styles. The ones that would have stayed end up quitting when they realized there wasn't going to be any romantic interest from my side.  Plenty or reasons why it won't work out, but imagine the personal growth and the enjoyment of the journey it can come with if you keep taking in beginners and building them up.  Currently I'm building up two more.  Who knows where that'll go?!  However, I'm the one who gains from the relationship, even 'though I'm the one financing everything.  The amount I've grown is tremendous, and one day there will be that partner that sticks around, but until then, I'm just going to keep getting better.  
« Last Edit: July 07, 2015, 02:33:43 PM by Some guy » Logged
QPO
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« Reply #67 on: July 08, 2015, 10:21:50 PM »

Well this is an interesting topic I spoke with a femail friend on the week-end and she mentioned that she would love to get on the floor and I said well there are some men out there at the moment looking for partners. she then said oh I dont want to do that, I want to have an emiotnal connection with them.

Her current friend is not her life partner although she has feelings for him it is not reciprocal but does not want to upset the apple cart so to speak. People are complicated at times and we just have to find someone who is matched in our focus and objectives.
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