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Author Topic: Finding a dance partner  (Read 7305 times)
ttd
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« Reply #45 on: November 18, 2013, 10:26:10 PM »

OK, I've got an interesting twist on the subject, and a new vent as well. A few days after the local event I previously mentioned, a local guy asked me to dance smooth with him next year (he doesn't know standard). In this year event, he danced with 2 ladies - over 35 age group with one and over 45 age group with another. If he dances with me, I would be displacing his younger partner, as we are about the same age (although she has another partner, too, with whom she danced adult. before anyone starts making smart-ass comments, it seems like almost everyone local at that event danced with more than one person, probably due to prodding from the organizers to get as many people dancing as they can). He dances silver smooth, and I've moved up to open smooth a little over a year ago, so the skill gap should be manageable. We've danced smooth at parties, and that worked reasonably well. I said - OK, we can compete next year, provided the event happens next year and we find mutually convenient times to practice. I told him which days in general work for me. This was followed by dead silence. I mentioned it to him about 6 weeks ago, that we should try to get together some time, and he said he'd be busy for the next couple of weeks, but we can attempt to get together after that. Well, it's been another 6 weeks and I have yet to hear from the guy. I already brought this up once, I am not sure I want to bring it up again, I don't like to nag people, I am certainly not interested in chasing after him, and I feel like the ball is in his court at the moment. So I'm mildly irritated, and frankly I've half a mind to tell him that I changed my mind, since I don't see us practicing together any time soon. Just venting. And of course, now that I'm local, too, the organizers are prodding me even more to find someone to dance with next year, and I can no longer use the part of my old excuse about being busy settling in my new home. I still have the excuse that I'm working on some new stuff for my pro-am competing, though. That's the positive part.
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elisedance
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« Reply #46 on: November 19, 2013, 05:31:31 AM »

OK, I've got an interesting twist on the subject, and a new vent as well. A few days after the local event I previously mentioned, a local guy asked me to dance smooth with him next year (he doesn't know standard). In this year event, he danced with 2 ladies - over 35 age group with one and over 45 age group with another. If he dances with me, I would be displacing his younger partner, as we are about the same age (although she has another partner, too, with whom she danced adult. before anyone starts making smart-ass comments, it seems like almost everyone local at that event danced with more than one person, probably due to prodding from the organizers to get as many people dancing as they can). He dances silver smooth, and I've moved up to open smooth a little over a year ago, so the skill gap should be manageable. We've danced smooth at parties, and that worked reasonably well. I said - OK, we can compete next year, provided the event happens next year and we find mutually convenient times to practice. I told him which days in general work for me. This was followed by dead silence. I mentioned it to him about 6 weeks ago, that we should try to get together some time, and he said he'd be busy for the next couple of weeks, but we can attempt to get together after that. Well, it's been another 6 weeks and I have yet to hear from the guy. I already brought this up once, I am not sure I want to bring it up again, I don't like to nag people, I am certainly not interested in chasing after him, and I feel like the ball is in his court at the moment. So I'm mildly irritated, and frankly I've half a mind to tell him that I changed my mind, since I don't see us practicing together any time soon. Just venting. And of course, now that I'm local, too, the organizers are prodding me even more to find someone to dance with next year, and I can no longer use the part of my old excuse about being busy settling in my new home. I still have the excuse that I'm working on some new stuff for my pro-am competing, though. That's the positive part.

Your venting sounds much milder than mine would be Undecided  I'm guessing he does practise but is currently working with someone else and does not really care that much what happens with you.  The danger is that you have expectations that he is not going to fulfill at all - when he gets close to the competition he'll change his mind.  It sounds as if you are in the bind many followers end up in - hanging onto scraps because there is no meal.  I've done it too - basically making myself a doormat because its the only door in town (I have to stop these analogies! Tongue ).

Don't know what to say - I know you are aware of the alternatives: tell him to get lost; find another partner; simply wait (as you are); and harass him - only #2 has a likely positive outcome but that's like telling someone to go out and find a Picasso (shoot, another analogy, I just couldn't restrain myself).  I've been (AM) partner-less for going on 2 years and there is nothing positive in sight.

If this is important to you - and it sounds like it is - then perhaps your current strategy is the only option.  But go enjoy your pro-am and try to get him out of mind. 
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ttd
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Posts: 642


« Reply #47 on: November 19, 2013, 11:49:44 AM »

OK, I've got an interesting twist on the subject, and a new vent as well. A few days after the local event I previously mentioned, a local guy asked me to dance smooth with him next year (he doesn't know standard). In this year event, he danced with 2 ladies - over 35 age group with one and over 45 age group with another. If he dances with me, I would be displacing his younger partner, as we are about the same age (although she has another partner, too, with whom she danced adult. before anyone starts making smart-ass comments, it seems like almost everyone local at that event danced with more than one person, probably due to prodding from the organizers to get as many people dancing as they can). He dances silver smooth, and I've moved up to open smooth a little over a year ago, so the skill gap should be manageable. We've danced smooth at parties, and that worked reasonably well. I said - OK, we can compete next year, provided the event happens next year and we find mutually convenient times to practice. I told him which days in general work for me. This was followed by dead silence. I mentioned it to him about 6 weeks ago, that we should try to get together some time, and he said he'd be busy for the next couple of weeks, but we can attempt to get together after that. Well, it's been another 6 weeks and I have yet to hear from the guy. I already brought this up once, I am not sure I want to bring it up again, I don't like to nag people, I am certainly not interested in chasing after him, and I feel like the ball is in his court at the moment. So I'm mildly irritated, and frankly I've half a mind to tell him that I changed my mind, since I don't see us practicing together any time soon. Just venting. And of course, now that I'm local, too, the organizers are prodding me even more to find someone to dance with next year, and I can no longer use the part of my old excuse about being busy settling in my new home. I still have the excuse that I'm working on some new stuff for my pro-am competing, though. That's the positive part.

Your venting sounds much milder than mine would be Undecided  I'm guessing he does practise but is currently working with someone else and does not really care that much what happens with you.  The danger is that you have expectations that he is not going to fulfill at all - when he gets close to the competition he'll change his mind.  It sounds as if you are in the bind many followers end up in - hanging onto scraps because there is no meal.  I've done it too - basically making myself a doormat because its the only door in town (I have to stop these analogies! Tongue ).

Don't know what to say - I know you are aware of the alternatives: tell him to get lost; find another partner; simply wait (as you are); and harass him - only #2 has a likely positive outcome but that's like telling someone to go out and find a Picasso (shoot, another analogy, I just couldn't restrain myself).  I've been (AM) partner-less for going on 2 years and there is nothing positive in sight.

If this is important to you - and it sounds like it is - then perhaps your current strategy is the only option.  But go enjoy your pro-am and try to get him out of mind. 
You know, ee, honestly I don't care at this point whether we compete together or not. But I care about being able to do a good job if it does happen. He was the one who asked me. As far as I know, he's not practicing with the other girl my age either. She practices with her other partner (they plan to compete in USA dance events). But I feel sort of like he tried to claim me early so that I won't say yes to anyone else, or make other plans for that time of year. Not that I regularly make plans that far in advance, but in theory that's possible. I certainly have no plans to go and search for another partner, but I definitely can make myself unavailable, for example, by deciding that I want to go to USDC next year.
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QPO
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« Reply #48 on: November 20, 2013, 09:18:54 PM »

Interesting that he would ask and not follow it up. Do you think he did not think it through and realised that he was overcommitted for training? but even so not getting back to you indicated to me he is not a very confident person to confront you about his change of heart. Very Odd situation.

I agree with you thought I would not follow him up again it is up to him now. In the mean time you just keep doing what you do sand if he wants to dance in the future it will be on your terms and not his.  pff men Tongue
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elisedance
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« Reply #49 on: November 20, 2013, 10:29:03 PM »

but you can't leave yourself in limbo.  One thing is to drop him a line stating what ever you want: the most likely is to say that you have not heard back from him and must assume that he is not interested in dancing.  That way you can move on.
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ttd
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« Reply #50 on: November 20, 2013, 10:31:08 PM »

Interesting that he would ask and not follow it up. Do you think he did not think it through and realised that he was overcommitted for training? but even so not getting back to you indicated to me he is not a very confident person to confront you about his change of heart. Very Odd situation.

I agree with you thought I would not follow him up again it is up to him now. In the mean time you just keep doing what you do sand if he wants to dance in the future it will be on your terms and not his.  pff men Tongue
Or else he thinks that with the event being almost a year away, there's plenty of time. Procrastinators.
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QPO
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« Reply #51 on: November 21, 2013, 06:35:11 AM »

well his loss I say... Roll Eyes
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elisedance
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« Reply #52 on: November 22, 2013, 06:49:24 PM »

.. decidedly...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
ttd
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« Reply #53 on: July 23, 2014, 02:32:23 PM »

Well, at this point, I am not sure my prospective partnership will happen. We did a few heats at a local showcase in December, that went OK, but it's pretty much like dancing at a social, except they limit how many couples there is on the floor. We practiced  together a few times after I went to Heritage in March, that went OK, too, and then he got involved with local theater, and did two productions pretty much back to back, which left him no time to do anything else. Now we have a local pro-am event coming up in a few weeks, and both of us will be busy getting ready for that. Which leaves something like a month to practice for the am-am event in September (and I have no idea when the entries deadline is, but I think it's some time in August).
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QPO
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« Reply #54 on: July 24, 2014, 12:58:24 AM »

Well, at this point, I am not sure my prospective partnership will happen. We did a few heats at a local showcase in December, that went OK, but it's pretty much like dancing at a social, except they limit how many couples there is on the floor. We practiced  together a few times after I went to Heritage in March, that went OK, too, and then he got involved with local theater, and did two productions pretty much back to back, which left him no time to do anything else. Now we have a local pro-am event coming up in a few weeks, and both of us will be busy getting ready for that. Which leaves something like a month to practice for the am-am event in September (and I have no idea when the entries deadline is, but I think it's some time in August).

Gosh he is trying to  do many things....Very difficult...and as with the rest of the world. finding a man who will dance with commitment is very hard.
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elisedance
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« Reply #55 on: July 24, 2014, 08:30:19 AM »

Well, at this point, I am not sure my prospective partnership will happen. We did a few heats at a local showcase in December, that went OK, but it's pretty much like dancing at a social, except they limit how many couples there is on the floor. We practiced  together a few times after I went to Heritage in March, that went OK, too, and then he got involved with local theater, and did two productions pretty much back to back, which left him no time to do anything else. Now we have a local pro-am event coming up in a few weeks, and both of us will be busy getting ready for that. Which leaves something like a month to practice for the am-am event in September (and I have no idea when the entries deadline is, but I think it's some time in August).

Gosh he is trying to  do many things....Very difficult...and as with the rest of the world. finding a man who will dance with commitment is very hard.
Best shot is to marry him eh? Grin
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
ttd
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« Reply #56 on: July 24, 2014, 10:37:13 AM »

I'm not a marrying kind anymore.
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elisedance
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« Reply #57 on: July 24, 2014, 11:26:21 AM »

I'm not a marrying kind anymore.
How about a valet?  Cheesy
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
ttd
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Posts: 642


« Reply #58 on: July 24, 2014, 11:55:05 AM »

I'm not a marrying kind anymore.
How about a valet?  Cheesy
You know, I don't like where this is going. This is the kind of thing that perpetuates the idea that single people looking for dance partners look for something else, too.
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elisedance
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« Reply #59 on: July 24, 2014, 03:29:08 PM »

I'm not a marrying kind anymore.
How about a valet?  Cheesy
You know, I don't like where this is going. This is the kind of thing that perpetuates the idea that single people looking for dance partners look for something else, too.
I think that's silly.  Do you know how many women (as far as I am aware, it almost always that way round) have paid for successful eastern-European males to come to NA to be their partners?  Its very common and its a business deal that gets the man a visa while getting the female one a prime dance partner.  There are also umpteen cases of girls here where the parents pay the amateur partner a stipend plus all the teaching, clothes and entry costs.   By the way, the cases I know of are very carefully chaperoned and, if you know dancers, the serious ones will not jeopardize their partnership with possible complications resulting from personal interactions.
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
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