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Author Topic: Finding a dance partner  (Read 7736 times)
pinkstuff
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« on: March 01, 2011, 01:18:24 PM »

I am in the unfortunate situation of having to go through the trials & tribulations of trying to find a suitable partner - I am not particularly fussy, just would like some-one to dance with.

I am curious to find out from others what their experiences are.  So far mine have not been that great.  Out of all connections made, how many are genuine or have even a remote possibility of resulting in a tryout?  What do you ask in your emails and do you find it easy to obtain information from others?  Do most people request a photo/video of you dancing?  Where do you look? 
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elisedance
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ee


« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2011, 05:23:17 PM »

Its all about common goals - well, to be honest, its really about having choices so that you can find someone with common goals.  Undecided

I assume you have tried dancepartner.com? 
http://www.dancepartner.com/

Beware the hucksters and pro-am pros looking for business.  Even if you do not find one there (I did not) its great training for finding a partner because you get to see all the reasons people dance.  You might check if we have a topic on this in the links area - we certainly should - I can check later.  Its one of those sites thats more like a city than a village, lots of traps and lots of ways to waste money too...

Basically, if they don't state they want to do competitions, then they don't.  Its delusionary to think you can 'gradually talk them into it' unless you are married - which could of course equally lead to a divorce... Tongue
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pinkstuff
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« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2011, 11:30:47 AM »

I hadn't looked at that website in particular but will investigate over the weekend.  Honestly, had forgotten about it!!  Thank you.

I have so far avoided all that don't specify that they wish to compete but some of the emails I have received as just odd.  I guess that is the downside of having to advertise on the internet!
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millitiz
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 220


« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2011, 06:45:40 PM »

I am actually very curious to hear about the trap in searching online - or should we not discuss it openly? And I couldn't find the thread of dancepartner in the link section.
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elisedance
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ee


« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2011, 09:51:36 PM »

Perhaps I was too ominious!  I just mean that there are a lot of people for whom 'dance partner' is a euphomism for life partner (at best) and casual sexual partner at worst.  The other trap is men (I think its only men) who pose as amateur dancers but turn out to be marginal 'pros' looking for pro-am students.  The good thing about dancepartner.com is that you can enter your dance level and make it very clear that a) you are not looking for a relationship (assuming of course that you are not Roll Eyes ), and b) you are looking for a competition partner assuming of course that you are - we obviously have a lot of social dancers too for whom distinguishing the 'dance' from the 'partner' is difficult - social dancing being, as it is, one way to play the field....
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The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
pinkstuff
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Posts: 280


« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2011, 04:08:40 PM »

Well, am trying out dancepartner.com - will see how it goes.  i like the fact that I can make it totally clear that all i want is a dancepartner.  From other websites I have had some interesting experiences - people expecting me to send photos/videos but totally unwilling to provide any information about themselves and as mentioned above those looking for life partners/additional benefits.  it is also really hard to judge exactly what level people dance at.  4 years for some is intensive training and for others group lessons only - the standard will be totally different.  Dancesportinfo comes in handy as they log quite a lot of competitions, including those below am level - a quick search can give a rough idea sometimes.  Then there is the issue of going to meet someone you know very little about....
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elisedance
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« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2012, 06:39:10 AM »

partner limbo... so I made a new realization...

Talking to a pro the other day I asked if he knew of any possible AM partners.  His response was interesting on two counts.  First, he knew several men who were into dancing (none was a serious candidate as they were all relatively inexperienced) but that they preferred to dance pro-am.  In his opinion (I have not talked to the men in question) they liked the independence and the fact that they did not have to quibble about how things were done (thats interesting in itself) and were content to pay for their dancing competition experience. 

The other was a bit more incidious.  I got the feeling that these were 'protected property' in that the pro-am partners were obviously important sources of income for the respective pros and they did not want me to know - AMs spend far less money than pro-ams and are liable to switch coaches (they are not as committed).  Thus, for me to get a partner would in essence be for them to loose income.

This all makes sense (I can not fault their logic) but it puts yet another impediment on finding a partner.  I've had this feeling before, kind of a 'back off my pro-AM'.  The gross effect may be very detrimental to adult and senior amateur dancing - maybe thats one reason it is dwindling in our area at least - lack of enthusisasm by the dance schools and pros in general?
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Rugby
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« Reply #7 on: March 27, 2012, 11:31:21 PM »

I had a friend that was lookiing for a female partner and he was basically told to look another direction then at their female students.  They said that they needed the money and one guy pretty much admitted he was not going to lose any of his cash cows.  Pretty sad.  Many teachers don't give a damn about dancing or promoting the growth of dancing just promoting their own pocket books.
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elisedance
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« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2012, 05:29:50 AM »

I had a friend that was lookiing for a female partner and he was basically told to look another direction then at their female students.  They said that they needed the money ...

I wonder what his 'students' would have thought if your friend had let them know...
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elisedance
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« Reply #9 on: March 28, 2012, 05:31:47 AM »

So we appear to have an active force against amateur dance, at least at the level where they might do pro-am.  No wonder the AM ranks are dwindling.

I think its an issue the AM organizations had better get a grip with - and I suppose its been going on a long while.
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QPO
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Adelaide South Australia


« Reply #10 on: March 29, 2012, 07:02:01 AM »

grass roots.. they need to get more coming  up the ranks and regulary.. not in feast and famine..... must be a much more even handed approach. the other issues is that most schools compete against each other rather than for the sport as a whole. so it is a change of culture.  I dont think there is an easy solution BTW Roll Eyes
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elisedance
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« Reply #11 on: March 29, 2012, 07:08:12 AM »

grass roots.. they need to get more coming  up the ranks and regulary.. not in feast and famine..... must be a much more even handed approach. the other issues is that most schools compete against each other rather than for the sport as a whole. so it is a change of culture.  I dont think there is an easy solution BTW Roll Eyes
I think the only way is for the dancers to take control in their own hands - but the trouble is communication is too poor so they don't realize there are issues.  Indeed, thats how some studios (and chains) operate - try to isolate the dancers from the rest of the community so that they don't see any alternatives.

A new dance partner search site has been created for the Toronto area that tries to do exactly that:
http://www.atadance.com/index.html

but I don't think its being publicized at all Undecided
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ttd
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« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2012, 11:48:04 PM »

Talking to a pro the other day I asked if he knew of any possible AM partners.  His response was interesting on two counts.  First, he knew several men who were into dancing (none was a serious candidate as they were all relatively inexperienced) but that they preferred to dance pro-am.  In his opinion (I have not talked to the men in question) they liked the independence and the fact that they did not have to quibble about how things were done (thats interesting in itself) and were content to pay for their dancing competition experience. 

This might well be true. I know a leader who dances pro-am with a retired national champion (we sometimes compete against each other in smooth). Because said champion's home base is beyond reasonable one-day commute, he also takes lessons from some of the lower-ranking local female pros, which to him are essentially paid practices.  In theory he could have asked an advanced local follow to practice with him (I don't expect him to ask me, he lives 2 hours away from me, but there are good ladies in his city, too), but he doesn't seem to want to. He clearly prefers to do pro-am, not only for his competition, but also for practice purposes. That way he doesn't have to argue with them on what he practices and he gets competent feedback. Personally, I would not go as far as taking lessons from less advanced pros to increase my partnered practice time, but I am not very interested in finding an am partner either, I would rather continue with pro-am competition. I am getting more and more into open pro-am standard, we're working on some pretty cool stuff and I just don't feel like abandoning all that for the sake of what?
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ttd
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« Reply #13 on: August 08, 2012, 08:52:02 PM »

Do you think a gold level smooth/standard follower in her late 30s - early 40s has a chance at finding a partner her level in a bigger dance community (as opposed to a really small one like the one where I live)?
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elisedance
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ee


« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2012, 09:37:49 PM »

Here its well night impossible to find one even if you are star quality - and Toronto is a large community.  Again here lot depends on your height - the taller the worse it is.  The more advanced you are the better the odds since you can dance down but the popularity of pro-am with women keeps the supply side skewed.

Best to check with the specific community that you have in mind - find out the studios where the competetive dancers go and talk to people.  Good luck!
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
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