dancers who aren't dancing

[elisedance]

Ido not post much. Read more. Because of my lack of anything dancing at moment.

However, that being said, I plan to become more active as I now have a role working for a studio and competition in DC. So .........

As far as dance dance stuff, I am just not so knowledgable to post. I am just a mere mortal not even dancing at moment. Sigh ....

Please don't put yourself down EM.  We can't all be good at everything - what you have is warmth of spirit, compassion and dogged enthusiasm.  Not to mention amazing 'bottoom' (excuse the Yorkshire phrase, it works so well!).  You see things as they are and are not affraid to say so. 

Funny how we minimize our own skills because we assume everyone else has them!  An interesting subject on its own...

Needless to say, I hope, you are very valued on PDO and your dance admin experience is something we can certainly learn from.

[emeralddancer]

I have to admit, and ONLY here will I admit this.  It is VERY painful to discuss dance or dance related topics. It is painful to be on this board, on any board on FB. It is very painful to work in an industry, when I want so much to be a part of it actually dancing, not looking from the sidelines.

I am probably (patting myself on back here ya'll, i think it is about time to admit this part out loud to.) one who is constantly and consistently giving giving giving to the point of utter exhaustion because I love this industry so much, love the people so much. It truly has become the life breath in which I breath. I have come to care for the people, the ideas, the pain and sweat I see so many give into. I am very happy when couples succeed and exceed what they thought they could do, watching the kids is my greatest fulfillment.

I care so much I choose to work in it, studios, comps, paid, unpaid. I love it. Yet at same time I hate it. I have sacrificed much of my family and friends for this world. (thank goodness my hubby is supportive of me with this). I spend hours doing things, then more things on the computer. Things for several studios. Some appreciate it, some do not. I have been slammed to my face and behind my back, talked about, hated, liked, loved, used, appreciated, etc and so for. (hey I am not the easiest person to get along with nor am I the most eloquent or lady like.) And I still keep coming back for more. There is not a single person who can take this from me. I am who I am. I love ballroom. Sigh ....

And yet .... in my minds eye, I see myself dancing. I want to dance. To physically get onto the dance floor and move to the music with a human body leading me through. I want to learn the steps, patterns, I want to ache with pain in my feet from lesson and practice. I want to grow beyond what I know at the moment, and can feel utterly slipping away.

Then there is the moment, the single solitary moment you just know, that soul searing kind of knowing, when you will never be able to attain, reach or hold the thing you want most. I know with every part of who I am that I will not be on a comp floor or take another lesson that translates into continual lessons. I had almost 3 years, and it is now just gone. I have enough to dance socially a little bit.

So I do what I do best. I will be an admin in a studio, make very little money (enough to pay a few bills), volunteer, cheer on, support, and continue to love .... ballroom. And I will be/am happy about it. I am around some of the best people I have been blessed to be in my life. I am around champions and beginners, kids and adults. I can see and touch it.

Yes over all I am happy. Yet .... for discussing things dance, movement, etc ... no, to painful. I can talk about couples, results, studios, events, etc .... but dance itself .... no.

[samina]

I have to admit, and ONLY here will I admit this.  It is VERY painful to discuss dance or dance related topics. It is painful to be on this board, on any board on FB. It is very painful to work in an industry, when I want so much to be a part of it actually dancing, not looking from the sidelines.

I am probably (patting myself on back here ya'll, i think it is about time to admit this part out loud to.) one who is constantly and consistently giving giving giving to the point of utter exhaustion because I love this industry so much, love the people so much. It truly has become the life breath in which I breath. I have come to care for the people, the ideas, the pain and sweat I see so many give into. I am very happy when couples succeed and exceed what they thought they could do, watching the kids is my greatest fulfillment.

I care so much I choose to work in it, studios, comps, paid, unpaid. I love it. Yet at same time I hate it. I have sacrificed much of my family and friends for this world. (thank goodness my hubby is supportive of me with this). I spend hours doing things, then more things on the computer. Things for several studios. Some appreciate it, some do not. I have been slammed to my face and behind my back, talked about, hated, liked, loved, used, appreciated, etc and so for. (hey I am not the easiest person to get along with nor am I the most eloquent or lady like.) And I still keep coming back for more. There is not a single person who can take this from me. I am who I am. I love ballroom. Sigh ....

And yet .... in my minds eye, I see myself dancing. I want to dance. To physically get onto the dance floor and move to the music with a human body leading me through. I want to learn the steps, patterns, I want to ache with pain in my feet from lesson and practice. I want to grow beyond what I know at the moment, and can feel utterly slipping away.

Then there is the moment, the single solitary moment you just know, that soul searing kind of knowing, when you will never be able to attain, reach or hold the thing you want most. I know with every part of who I am that I will not be on a comp floor or take another lesson that translates into continual lessons. I had almost 3 years, and it is now just gone. I have enough to dance socially a little bit.

So I do what I do best. I will be an admin in a studio, make very little money (enough to pay a few bills), volunteer, cheer on, support, and continue to love .... ballroom. And I will be/am happy about it. I am around some of the best people I have been blessed to be in my life. I am around champions and beginners, kids and adults. I can see and touch it.

Yes over all I am happy. Yet .... for discussing things dance, movement, etc ... no, to painful. I can talk about couples, results, studios, events, etc .... but dance itself .... no.

I can relate to much of this, Em. I think this would make for an excellent thread, something about which you and I *could* post most knowledgeably... and I bet there are others out there who have some similar challenges in their lives. Would you start a thread on the subject... "Dancers who aren't dancing" or some such thing? I think there is much to say on the topic. And...mebbe it would bring some comfort for you, or help you reframe your perspective in a way that is less painful, who knows. *hug*

[elisedance]

[nice idea Sam - but for some reason the posts came out in the wrong order - perhaps it will fix itself when I do the admin thingy]

[samina]

[nice idea Sam - but for some reason the posts came out in the wrong order - perhaps it will fix itself when I do the admin thingy]

Hah!!! We are on the same page, I see! Did you title this thread "dancers who aren't dancing" yourself, and we just coincidentally matched in our thoughts???

[Lioness]

[nice idea Sam - but for some reason the posts came out in the wrong order - perhaps it will fix itself when I do the admin thingy]

Maybe just start a new thread, instead of moving posts. That way the original topic will still have the same input.

[samina]

Em, you and I have some parallels in our desires & experience... and I have many, many times been tempted to feel tragic about my own circumstances.

Funny, now that I think on it, you and I met on the evening of my last competition, which was a culmination point for me of having poured my heart & soul to get to a certain level and transcend some very powerful physicial limitations so that I could start to feel free on the dance floor. And at that last competition, two years ago at Yuletide over New Year's 2009, I was so fortunate to get to meet you and your lovely energy.

It was at that dance event that I felt I had arrived at a very exciting beginning point, that finally I could start to learn how to *dance* because something had just shifted for me. My body was beginning to change and allow more freedom of movement, and it was exquisite and so promising. One year earlier I had been a bronze-level dancer, but with Yuletide I was making my official segue into the Open arena, leaving syllabus behind. After I competed in my event ("down" an age level in the Open A scholarship), one of the judges who had seen me very often that past year as I competed in around 14 comps, came up to me and had the kindest things to say about my progress, that I had been competing against one of the best pro-am dancers at Yuletide and that he assured me I "belonged exactly where I was" as far as level. It was just so incredibly encouraging & validating, after such a struggle to evolve so quickly.

But then it all ended on that note. My last private lesson was *before* that comp. I'd been already unemployed for a few months and had used grocery money & god knows what other funds to make that comp possible, and I entered into a very challenging time, financially & otherwise. It seemed... and still seems... to have all passed away, to have been an era that is gone, and just as I was getting somewhere. I mean, I could take this seed of a story & run with it and give it a tragic spin with little effort.

But...the thing is... we dance how we live. And if we want to become better dancers, we have to become better live-ers... to be more alive, more free, more authentic, more heart-felt, with less in the way of our inner & outer beings. Even if one isn't able to cultivate the lifestyle that can lead to competition & accomplished performance ballroom, still one can grow as a dancer by training one's body & spirit, and making the inner shifts that change how we dance. And that... that has been & continues to be my focus. In that regard, the last two years have involved MONUMENTAL progress. If I did start with lessons, in-studio training, and competing again, I would *NOT* be the same dancer I was before, I would be much, much freer, because I've used this time to free myself as never before.

And... isn't that ultimately what we want when we dance... to feel free, to feel the beauty of life moving through us, to feel the veil that normally separates our physical experience and something more sublime become thin, even transparent, so that the soul and inner spirit can shine through with the radiance and magnetism that awes us when we watch the most accomplished dancers?

That's what dancers who aren't dancing can work on...until they can dance again.

[elisedance]

[nice idea Sam - but for some reason the posts came out in the wrong order - perhaps it will fix itself when I do the admin thingy]

Hah!!! We are on the same page, I see! Did you title this thread "dancers who aren't dancing" yourself, and we just coincidentally matched in our thoughts???

Nope I unashamedly lifted the title from your post - hence the credit above

[elisedance]

...........

But...the thing is... we dance how we live. And if we want to become better dancers, we have to become better live-ers... to be more alive, more free, more authentic, more heart-felt, with less in the way of our inner & outer beings. Even if one isn't able to cultivate the lifestyle that can lead to competition & accomplished performance ballroom, still one can grow as a dancer by training one's body & spirit, and making the inner shifts that change how we dance. And that... that has been & continues to be my focus. In that regard, the last two years have involved MONUMENTAL progress. If I did start with lessons, in-studio training, and competing again, I would *NOT* be the same dancer I was before, I would be much, much freer, because I've used this time to free myself as never before.

And... isn't that ultimately what we want when we dance... to feel free, to feel the beauty of life moving through us, to feel the veil that normally separates our physical experience and something more sublime become thin, even transparent, so that the soul and inner spirit can shine through with the radiance and magnetism that awes us when we watch the most accomplished dancers?

That's what dancers who aren't dancing can work on...until they can dance again.

Boy, when you nail it you really do nail it sam.  Dance is about expressing our lives and hence the core of dance is how we live.  Its too easy to fall for the trap that dance is something we do outside our lives.  THats why some couples are totally bewitching whereas others, with often better technique, seem mechanical.  Only the former is emitting from their core - their real inner sanctum core....  Pino and Alessandra for me but take your pick... the test is: after watching them dance do you now feel you KNOW them?  Its actually not that important that you like them as people but it is critical that they communicate themselves honestly. 

I think one can say the same thing about any art form...

[samina]

[nice idea Sam - but for some reason the posts came out in the wrong order - perhaps it will fix itself when I do the admin thingy]

Hah!!! We are on the same page, I see! Did you title this thread "dancers who aren't dancing" yourself, and we just coincidentally matched in our thoughts???

Nope I unashamedly lifted the title from your post - hence the credit above

well, it sums it up, tha' fo sho...

[samina]

Its too easy to fall for the trap that dance is something we do outside our lives.  THats why some couples are totally bewitching whereas others, with often better technique, seem mechanical.  Only the former is emitting from their core - their real inner sanctum core....  Pino and Alessandra for me but take your pick... the test is: after watching them dance do you now feel you KNOW them?  Its actually not that important that you like them as people but it is critical that they communicate themselves honestly.  

I think one can say the same thing about any art form...

Exactly!

One thing has come to mind frequently for me these last couple of years when I have felt frustrated at my inability to "get to the dance floor", much less formally train. I studied piano from the time I was 7 or 8, and felt very passionate about it, but I had two emotionally devastating times in my life when I had to sell my piano. Both of those instances were after having started to really ramp up my studies and make fresh progress, but I hit economically challenging times that required reining in every which way I could. Bit of a parallel there...

Anyway...each time I returned to the piano after a long break, and also after subsequent absences from the keyboard, I was always dramatically improved! Mebbe it took a few months to get my fingers strengthened again, but the artistic capability was different each time, and that theme has continued over the years, even as recently as last week when I pulled my piano out of storage and had the opportunity to play it after a very long absence. I am better than I ever was "underneath", and the sensation is that the "me" from which the music & connectedness flows out and through my fingers has "matured" and is embodied in my physicality more fluidly. That's the best way I can describe it. It's not a matter of "practice", it's a matter of the Being-ness that allows natural talent to flow.

So...even "not dancing"... one can still be in the throes of profound improvement as a dancer. I know it to be true. And I do hope one day in the not distant future my life does open up and allow me to revisit...possibly "pick up"... where I left off with the ballroom, which I just loved so much, as I know Emmie does.

[elisedance]

I hear ya sister - 40 years off the violin and within 6 months I was better than when I had quit.  I never dreamed of getting to this point...

It would be amazing fun to aim to get into college to study performance after I retire

[QPO]

I can associate with most of what you have to say Sam. During my absence off the floor from injury I worried how I would be when i got back on the floor, only to find that i was better!

I felt that V & I connected better perhaps as we were not trying so hard. He was being more cautious thinking he may hurt me, so he was less a bull at a gate than he could be.

I think it is good for everyone to take a step back from time to time and remember what it is they are dancing for. which I assume is the love of movement and music. I am more in touch with the music now and really enjoy and try to express it through my body as well as our connection together.

I don’t know how I would feel if I had to be off the floor for the length of time both you and EM have had to be, but if I lost my job I would be in the exact same situation. Dancing would come to a halt.

We will always dance in our hearts and I think that shows.

[emeralddancer]

QPO must admit I miss V on the boards. =(

[emeralddancer]

I just think for me particularly .... my 'dancing' is just turning into working in dance verses dance itself. There IS fulfillment in that. just bittersweet and sad.

Sad because my dad keeps asking when he will see me dance again, when will I perform, when will I compete. I doubt it will happen before he passes, and this grows daily as he keeps getting more frail.

But I am not unhappy at the thought of not dancing, I am just focusing my happiness where my strengths are.

Just hard at times.

Come onI am half horse half man .... to dang stubborn to stay down.

I think most of us stay connected in some way. some will admit, as others do not.

injury seems to be big factor. Some I think realizer that passion wanes and grows elsewhere. new interests develop. etc.

others of us .... well we are just gluten for punishment perse?!