Dancing with your dance partner vs your life partner

[elisedance]

But you can also share with your (non-life) dance partner.  Your life partner just makes sweet mumblings and carries on with the relationship ...

[ttd]

So it happened. My husband asked me to take some lessons with him again. Now what??? It's been nearly 4 years since we did so, I am now working on gold and he is kinda where we left off and we are so not on the same page as far as our approach towards dancing goes. I don't envy the teacher who'll get to work with us as a couple.

[elisedance]

So it happened. My husband asked me to take some lessons with him again. Now what??? It's been nearly 4 years since we did so, I am now working on gold and he is kinda where we left off and we are so not on the same page as far as our approach towards dancing goes. I don't envy the teacher who'll get to work with us as a couple.

But why not ttd?  Just don't approach it as if you are doing dancesport - you are doing a hobby together.  Having some fun.  One way to deal with it is to learn a different form - how about learning AT or rhythm?  That way you would have something to learn and you might end up with a way of having a lot of fun together while not having to 'dance down' all the time.

[mummsie]

So it happened. My husband asked me to take some lessons with him again. Now what??? It's been nearly 4 years since we did so, I am now working on gold and he is kinda where we left off and we are so not on the same page as far as our approach towards dancing goes. I don't envy the teacher who'll get to work with us as a couple.

this happened to me too.  My husband hadn't danced for about 10 years while I had pretty much kept at it - mainly just social classes and then I started doing medals.  I actually had completed my Oscar in New Vogue and Standard (the highest medal you can do here) when my husband decided he wanted to take it up again.  I started back at the beginning with him doing private lessons.  I kept my mouth shut when he was doing something really stupid - and even though I still tend to lead - I am getting better - he is now a very accomplished dancer.  You just have to be patient and not spit the dummy if he isn't catching on as quickly.  mm

[elisedance]

'spit the dummy'?  I think I can guess what that means - but does it originalte it from a baby mouth plug?

[mummsie]

'spit the dummy'?  I think I can guess what that means - but does it originalte it from a baby mouth plug?

you got it  mm

[elisedance]

ptoo--eeyy...

[Some guy]

So it happened. My husband asked me to take some lessons with him again. Now what??? It's been nearly 4 years since we did so, I am now working on gold and he is kinda where we left off and we are so not on the same page as far as our approach towards dancing goes. I don't envy the teacher who'll get to work with us as a couple.

this happened to me too.  My husband hadn't danced for about 10 years while I had pretty much kept at it - mainly just social classes and then I started doing medals.  I actually had completed my Oscar in New Vogue and Standard (the highest medal you can do here) when my husband decided he wanted to take it up again.  I started back at the beginning with him doing private lessons.  I kept my mouth shut when he was doing something really stupid - and even though I still tend to lead - I am getting better - he is now a very accomplished dancer.  You just have to be patient and not spit the dummy if he isn't catching on as quickly.  mm

I think that's a pretty healthy way to look at it IF you have the time and it's something you really want to do.  When I started learning my partner was already making finals, mostly in the top 3, in the open pro-am circuit in Standard and making the finals in the pre-champ amateur circuit.  I had never been to a Standard lesson.  We started dating.  I wanted to learn Standard, so I took a few pro-am standard lessons and really liked it.  Then she split up with her amateur partner, stopped doing pro-am, and decided she wanted to compete with me in Standard because I was interested in learning.  She partnered up with me to compete because somewhere deep down she  says she knew I could do it.  Within 5 months of training, and training everyday HARD, perhaps a little too hard (creating permanent injuries), we were reaching the same results she reached with her previous amateur partner.  7-years  after being partners she told me that I feel better than her pro-am pro to dance with.  I don't think I'm anywhere near the skill level of either her previous amateur partner or her pro-am pro, but I'm not going to argue with her on that.  

Besides, I know of a pro latin couple and a pro standard couple where the lady was much more accomplished than the man (already making the top 3 in the pro level at Blackpool) and the men trained insanely hard to catch up.  One of them started learning to dance in his twenties and the pro lady he partnered up with was already a world champion with her previous partner.  It took the pro Latin lady over a decade to become a world champion again.  Now the men are just as famous as the ladies are.  

[ttd]

So it happened. My husband asked me to take some lessons with him again. Now what??? It's been nearly 4 years since we did so, I am now working on gold and he is kinda where we left off and we are so not on the same page as far as our approach towards dancing goes. I don't envy the teacher who'll get to work with us as a couple.

But why not ttd?  Just don't approach it as if you are doing dancesport - you are doing a hobby together.  Having some fun.  One way to deal with it is to learn a different form - how about learning AT or rhythm?  That way you would have something to learn and you might end up with a way of having a lot of fun together while not having to 'dance down' all the time.

I trained in all 4 styles. Some are better than others, but technique-wise I am not a beginner in any of them. From the perspective of being able to dance at local socials (which is what my husband wants most), improving american styles + samba & quickstep is the best approach for anyone living here. Local AT scene barely exists, and the two guys who teach it, well, let's just say that I am a better dancer then either of them, I draw the line at paying someone who is a worse dancer than I am for lessons. And on the other side of the equation we have a man who's been dancing on and off for decades(!) and somehow is still where he is. So, like I said, whoever ends up working with us as a couple - I don't envy that person.

[QPO]

'spit the dummy'?  I think I can guess what that means - but does it originalte it from a baby mouth plug?

we use this phrase a lot in australia....

[QPO]

I have just learnt from a dancing firend that her husband has a new partner, he cannot dance with her anymore. Obviosuly there are two sides to the story, but I know she is devastated.

I think sometimes that peoples expectations of the partnership is not, perhaps they think they are better than the other and they are holding them back! from what I say...it is a journey and those that have come to it late well we are not playing/dancing for cattle stations.

I dont know what impact that would have n the relationship when you feel so agrieved.

[cornutt]

I dont know what impact that would have n the relationship when you feel so agrieved.

Yeah, that's a really difficult situation.     Makes me thankful that my DW and I started dancing at the same time, and we've both kept up our lessons.

[QPO]

I dont know what impact that would have n the relationship when you feel so agrieved.

Yeah, that's a really difficult situation.     Makes me thankful that my DW and I started dancing at the same time, and we've both kept up our lessons.

they did start at the same time. 

[elisedance]

I have just learnt from a dancing firend that her husband has a new partner, he cannot dance with her anymore. Obviosuly there are two sides to the story, but I know she is devastated.

I think sometimes that peoples expectations of the partnership is not, perhaps they think they are better than the other and they are holding them back! from what I say...it is a journey and those that have come to it late well we are not playing/dancing for cattle stations.

I dont know what impact that would have n the relationship when you feel so agrieved.

Does not bode well (BTDN).  The husband is putting his dancing above his life partnership.  If I were his wife I would find a new dance partner too - I'w willing to bet that he would freak out.  If not perhaps they could develop dancing separately and still have a life-partnership.  Trouble is they might not see each other a whole lot!

And what happens when wife/DP beats husband/DP at a dance comp? 

[QPO]

I have just learnt from a dancing firend that her husband has a new partner, he cannot dance with her anymore. Obviosuly there are two sides to the story, but I know she is devastated.

I think sometimes that peoples expectations of the partnership is not, perhaps they think they are better than the other and they are holding them back! from what I say...it is a journey and those that have come to it late well we are not playing/dancing for cattle stations.

I dont know what impact that would have n the relationship when you feel so agrieved.

Does not bode well (BTDN).  The husband is putting his dancing above his life partnership.  If I were his wife I would find a new dance partner too - I'w willing to bet that he would freak out.  If not perhaps they could develop dancing separately and still have a life-partnership.  Trouble is they might not see each other a whole lot!

And what happens when wife/DP beats husband/DP at a dance comp? 

that is her plan....you wonder if he will coming runnng back....I dont know the full details but  I think they should have tried to work it out more....