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Author Topic: Dance partner jealousy?  (Read 2394 times)
Beachbum
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 177



« on: April 16, 2009, 10:32:59 AM »

This has probably been beaten to death in other forums but I'll raise it again here.  Undecided

Most of my friends are now dancers.  Most of those dancers are women.  I feel affection for many of them, but as friends, not as potential romantic partners.

New sort-of-significant-other has not been dancing for very long but loves it and plans to continue taking lessons with me and alone.

Here's the rub - she feels some jealousy toward my female dance friends.  We've talked about it but I can see that sometimes my closeness with my dance buddies bothers her.  And we're all "huggy" people - hugs and cheek kisses are a common greeting at my studio.

If this develops into something serious, I will of course become closer to her than my friends but meanwhile I have no intention of "snubbing" my female friends.

Thoughts?   Huh

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Yes.  Quite.
emeralddancer
Intermediate Gold
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Posts: 2979

Nottingham, MD (by way of NJ)


« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2009, 10:52:54 AM »

WOW .... we women I tell ya....sigh....probably why many of my closest friends are not women. Undecided

Confidence .... first one needs it and must have it. Without it, can breed jealousy in spades.

also if she has known you awhile and as she gets to know you better and is around these type of interactions, hopefully she will see it is harmless and she can feel confident of her relationship with you.

just take it slow, do not change, she will see she is the important one.

I have more on this .... but ... I need to think about it more.
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It is more important who they are as people and only then is it important who they are as dancers.~Marcia Haydee
dream a little dream
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Posts: 1837


« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2009, 11:53:36 AM »

I wonder when your significant other feels jealous?
Is it when you are dancing with other women?
Is it when you are dancing with other women who are better dancers than she is?
Is it when you kiss and hug your women friends good-bye?
Is is when you dance with other women and leave her sitting alone at a table while you dance?

If you can clarify when she feels jealous, you might be able to find out why.
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elisedance
Administrator
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Posts: 35001


ee


« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2009, 12:36:56 PM »

sorry, but I worry that its a bad sign for the future.  A partner should not be threatened by other people - in a sense it shows that she does  not really trust you.  As said above, its fine if this gradually improves as your relationship strengthens - but look out if it gets worse.

One of the most common things I have seen with new marriages is that one or other partner tries to seporate the other from their previous friends - and I think its a very bad sign of a controlling rather than a loving relationship....
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The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
dream a little dream
Silver
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Posts: 1837


« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2009, 02:05:29 PM »

Yes, that is not a good thing. 
The partner being separated might think that they are spending time with the person they love, but in the long run, I think each part of a couple needs his/her own interests (says the single woman).
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Don't forget to listen to the nightengale.
Beachbum
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 177



« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2009, 02:38:13 PM »

A partner should not be threatened by other people - in a sense it shows that she does  not really trust you.  As said above, its fine if this gradually improves as your relationship strengthens - but look out if it gets worse.

One of the most common things I have seen with new marriages is that one or other partner tries to separate the other from their previous friends - and I think its a very bad sign of a controlling rather than a loving relationship....

Mmmmmm.  Certainly worth thinking about.   Undecided

I have three close friends who I ALWAYS dance with at socials and sometimes practice with outside class.  I told my newbie I don't want to give that up.  Probably doesn't help that she's seen me flirt with all three of them ( but in a joking way from my perspective. )

But if the situation were reversed, perhaps I'd feel some jealousy.  Dunno...
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Beachbum
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 177



« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2009, 02:39:50 PM »

, but in the long run, I think each part of a couple needs his/her own interests (says the single woman).

Agreed.
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dream a little dream
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Posts: 1837


« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2009, 05:16:29 PM »

A partner should not be threatened by other people - in a sense it shows that she does  not really trust you.  As said above, its fine if this gradually improves as your relationship strengthens - but look out if it gets worse.

One of the most common things I have seen with new marriages is that one or other partner tries to separate the other from their previous friends - and I think its a very bad sign of a controlling rather than a loving relationship....

Mmmmmm.  Certainly worth thinking about.   Undecided

I have three close friends who I ALWAYS dance with at socials and sometimes practice with outside class.  I told my newbie I don't want to give that up.  Probably doesn't help that she's seen me flirt with all three of them ( but in a joking way from my perspective. )

But if the situation were reversed, perhaps I'd feel some jealousy.  Dunno...

Think about this then....your new girlfriend takes you to a venue where you don't know a lot of people and they are all involved in an activity that looks cool, but that you just started learning while they have been doing this activity for a couple of years.  Your girlfriend knows a lot of people, especially men as the activity is a man/woman type of thing.  There are 2 or 3 other men who she seems to know pretty well and she seems to have spent quite some time with them before she met you.  During the evening, she spends time with them and when you leave all 3 of them give her hugs and kisses and say that they look forward to their practice sessions wtih her during the week (to which you are not invited and in which you have no part). 
I'd be feeling a bit left out at this point, which might or might not contribute to any jealousy. 
You might want to make a special effort to do some fun things with her, whether it is taking her dancing to somewhere that isn't a social and where you can be mainly her partner or start some new activity that is just for the two of you.
I still stand by the idea that couples need their own interests, but if she sees that she is important to you, then she may not be jealous of the ladies you met dancing before you met her.
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Don't forget to listen to the nightengale.
QPO
Moderator
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Posts: 20818


Adelaide South Australia


« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2009, 02:01:49 AM »

Yes I think sometimes we have to put the shoe on the other foot. As they get to know these people they may feel more comfortable. If I don't know them I don't know the interplay and I would not be confident enough in the relationship to say something.

Just make sure she does not feel vulnerable and I am sure it will work out. I am glad I am not single again. Too hard :-)
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Dancerette
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 123


« Reply #9 on: April 27, 2009, 07:50:10 PM »

Hmmm, maybe she has heard the stories of the "just dance partners" who go on to become so much more, and it has her worried a little.

Perhaps time, and showing her that you are trustworthy, will offer the solution to her insecurity.
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QPO
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Posts: 20818


Adelaide South Australia


« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2009, 02:37:42 AM »

clear communication is the key...with everything
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Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty.  ~Author Unknown
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elisedance
Administrator
Blackpool Finalist
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Posts: 35001


ee


« Reply #11 on: April 29, 2009, 06:38:00 AM »

and if that doesn't work, run like heck...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
SwingWaltz
Gold Star
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Posts: 5772


« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2009, 09:58:38 AM »

Um...hug your partner more than you hug the other girls in the studio.  Roll Eyes
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elisedance
Administrator
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Posts: 35001


ee


« Reply #13 on: March 18, 2010, 05:47:01 AM »

Um...hug your partner more than you hug the other girls in the studio.  Roll Eyes

Just saw this last post - had to bump.  Love it....
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
Moderator
Continental Champion
****
Posts: 20818


Adelaide South Australia


« Reply #14 on: March 18, 2010, 08:32:08 AM »

I am sure this is eternal...jealousy... but something I have never suffered from. Cool
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Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty.  ~Author Unknown
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