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Author Topic: Dance predators  (Read 1926 times)
catsmeow
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« on: April 21, 2010, 08:52:17 PM »

Having a competitive dance partner is a gift. Having one that fits mentally and physically is rare and should be treasured. Alas, not me. I think I took my partner for granted while working up the syllabus ladder . Coaches and teachers admired our "look" together and I was happy. Then came open levels and with it the breakup of many of our competitive friends. New partnerships formed and more than a few males and females suddenly had no one to dance with.
Some of these partnerless males became friendly with my partner and overtly asked if she would partner them in latin and standard. They were not her calibre however and she refused but that didnt stop them from hinting strongly that she should reconsider. 
My partner explained there were few available females at open level as most are married. The fact that we often argued made our partnership fragile looking at least to those seeking someone new.
I think there is more to it. We have an age difference and my shelf life is dwindling. Perhaps some of these dance predators have more to offer in the future should my partner keep dancing.
I would like to know if others have experienced a similar wake up call.
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samina
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« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2010, 08:57:58 PM »

are you saying, catsmeow, that you're DP has moved on? or has just been inundated with attractive offers?
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elisedance
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« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2010, 10:01:18 PM »

I'm pretty sure its the latter sam - indeed she would be crazy to ...
Wink CM
« Last Edit: April 22, 2010, 04:07:17 AM by elisedance » Logged

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dancingirldancing
Intermediate Bronze

Posts: 102


« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2010, 10:36:35 PM »

Don't be paranoid, don't keep on bringing up the point.

My DP is feels a bit like you and it annoys me to DEATH !

He talks all the time about my past partners and ppl who offers me partnership.

Funny that, when I was partnerless no one asked me but now I am with DP EVERYONE seems to want to dance with me.

If anything, his constant talk about me breaking up with him put a strain into the otherwise perfectly fine relationship !
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samina
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« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2010, 10:49:34 PM »

well, like all relationships... personal and professional... a little competition can key you on your toes and remind you not to take what you have for granted. just look at these other blokes as giving you the incentive to reach for your best... and be sure you're sharing it with your DP, while the dream lasts. Smiley
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elisedance
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« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2010, 04:11:08 AM »

Don't be paranoid, don't keep on bringing up the point.

My DP is feels a bit like you and it annoys me to DEATH !

He talks all the time about my past partners and ppl who offers me partnership.

Funny that, when I was partnerless no one asked me but now I am with DP EVERYONE seems to want to dance with me.

If anything, his constant talk about me breaking up with him put a strain into the otherwise perfectly fine relationship !
Thats a bit of a bore - its hard to get on with jealous personalities since you can't seem to ever satisfy their fear.  The only thing that really helps is time - having opportunities to leave and not doing so.  I think my DP worries too - and I have to admit that when things are going badly and it seems we can't really make any headway I do think about a different partner - but its really just a fuse I have to let off steam.  We have so much invested in each other and he is such a perfect size and intellectual match for me and more important we share the same goal, that changing would be insane.
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2010, 04:46:32 AM »

some people would do anything to get on the floor, but people don't jump ship unless they already thought about it. Unfortunately when you are not in a marriage partnership it makes that difficult, but there is still emotional investment into a partnership that must be nurtured....



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elisedance
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« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2010, 05:15:50 AM »

some people would do anything to get on the floor, but people don't jump ship unless they already thought about it. Unfortunately when you are not in a marriage partnership it makes that difficult, but there is still emotional investment into a partnership that must be nurtured....

I don't understand what you are tying to say Q; too many negatives I think Smiley
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2010, 07:21:09 AM »

I think there are equal amount of negatives to make it a positive... Tongue

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Lioness
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« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2010, 09:22:12 AM »

I think she's trying to say that the pestering potention-partners can offer all they like, but your partner is not likely to go with them unless he/she had previously considered getting another partner. She's also saying that it's less likely to happen in a marriage, because there is a deeper emotional investment involved that makes a dance breakup hard on the rest of the relationship. But still, there needs to be some level of emotional investment for a purely dance partnership to stick together.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Q
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elisedance
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« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2010, 11:14:57 AM »

You wil be designated the official PDOdle-translator!
Thanks Smiley

I don't think emotional investment needs to be a factor at all - though obviously it can be.

I would say there is little or no emotional investment in our partnership - its very much two people with a common need and a common goal.  Emotions are usually not positive events in such a partnership.  OTOH, it has amazing security because of the reality that for both of us there are very few alternatives - and I don't mean that in a negative way either, its that to achieve this goal we are each other's best prospect.

As far as I know, PD isn't on PDO so I hope I am being accurate...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
cornutt
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« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2010, 02:00:17 PM »

Funny that, when I was partnerless no one asked me but now I am with DP EVERYONE seems to want to dance with me.

Sigh... that's the way it often is, in dance relationships and relationships of other kinds.  Someone who is already in a relationship is often seen as more valuable than someone who is available.
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elisedance
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« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2010, 02:03:26 PM »

Funny that, when I was partnerless no one asked me but now I am with DP EVERYONE seems to want to dance with me.

Sigh... that's the way it often is, in dance relationships and relationships of other kinds.  Someone who is already in a relationship is often seen as more valuable than someone who is available.

I think this traces back to basic biology - mating hierachies even.  There is a sort of logic: if you have been with someone respected then you are already 'pre-selected' as it were.

OTOH, the door is not breaking down with offers over here ... Undecided Tongue
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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« Reply #13 on: April 23, 2010, 08:44:33 AM »

it does not just apply to dance partners it also applies when going for a job, easier to get a job when you have one..... Roll Eyes
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elisedance
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« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2010, 10:07:48 AM »

it does not just apply to dance partners it also applies when going for a job, easier to get a job when you have one..... Roll Eyes
I think its just called 'cred'
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
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