Arguing

[elisedance]

Actually, I've noticed that we (DP and I) are arguing a lot less - after 3 yrs or so we seem to be becomeing a team... this may need a topic...

[QPO]

Actually, I've noticed that we (DP and I) are arguing a lot less - after 3 yrs or so we seem to be becomeing a team... this may need a topic...

well that is a good thing as I am sure arguing never fixes the problem in the first place,so if yo9u can move on from that it has to be a big plus!

[Rugby]

Actually, I've noticed that we (DP and I) are arguing a lot less - after 3 yrs or so we seem to be becomeing a team... this may need a topic...

I can't believe you two have been together for three yers now.  Wow, time flies. 

[elisedance]

Perhaps most amazing is that I havn't killed him   Funny thing is though is that I kinda like that sort of bone headed single minded guy

[QPO]

I have some friends where one side is constant telling the partner how terrible they are dancing and the consequnces to her dancing....people are finding it very difficult to be there when they train, I wish he 2would argue with her to put her back in her box!.

Off the floor they are lovely to speak with...

[elisedance]

We all have to learn that the only mistakes we can be sure of - are our own.  thats what coaches are for.  Hence:

"I am having a hard time dancing this step..."

not
"I can't dance this step because my partner gets in the way.."

When they hear the latter good coaches immediately try to fix the complainer.  Its the only way, else the conscequences after the lesson are dire: "see if you only listened to me in the first place we could have saved half a lesson..." etc

[cornutt]

Yep.  I try to phrase it something like this: "I am having a hard time communicating what I need you to do here... what does it feel like to you?"  "Well, it feels like you are leading me to go here."  Sometimes, as soon as she says that, I know right away what the problem is and how to fix it.  Other times, I have to plead ignorance and ask for the instructor's help. 

[Rugby]

We usually don't feel our own mistakes until they are pointed out as we are used to how we move or are somewhat comfortable with how we do it.  If the moves does not feel right or off then it must be our partner that is the problem because we are obviously okay.  Our partner is comfortable with theirselves so when something is funky it must be us.  We don't always feel our imbalances or incorrect way of going but our partner usually feels it.  Instead of blaming each other or letting our egos create a fight, if we can just listen to each other instead and put pride aside, this can be a useful too to help each other which then helps ourselves.     
 

[QPO]

Noone likes to be told by anyone in a negative way what they might be doing worng....It is all in the delivery....you just know sometimes that something does not feel right but dont know how to fix it....and arguing is not going to fix it.

[elisedance]

Great if you can keep that up Q - but sometimes one or other partner is just convinced that its not them.  Both DP and I have our moments there but we are so much better than we used to be.  Some spats are inevitable in all relationships, the important thing is that you don't go personal with it and that you can agree to differ until expert help is at hand.

[QPO]

I  know... I dont argue, well I dont start them....it is not my style but I cerntainly managed to get enbroiled in them

[elisedance]

Some people can't live without arguing.  My dad was a bit that way...   I had to learn that one could live without it (which I now do; I certainly dispute but I avoid arguing - it brings out my worst... )

[QPO]

I find it very draining and dont like to walk on the dark side. but I did have a friendf that would love to pick a fight with her husband all the time... she was always pleasant to us

[elisedance]

And who is he married to now? 

[QPO]

And who is he married to now? 

yes I believe they are....