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Author Topic: Arguing  (Read 7735 times)
TangoDancer
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« on: April 07, 2010, 02:43:13 AM »

Trying to instruct a couple who is arguing rather than dancing.  Angry
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The most beautiful part of the dance is often found in between the steps... and in the movement within the stillness.
QPO
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« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2010, 03:28:42 AM »

Trying to instruct a couple who is arguing rather than dancing.  Angry

one our our friends did that with the teacher and finally left. When we started to become more successful in std they believed the teacher were at fault and argued all the time with the teacher (the husband did) a

and another couple one part of the partnership is always wagging the finger at the other....I find it tiring to watch  Roll Eyes
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elisedance
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« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2010, 06:27:16 AM »

Trying to instruct a couple who is arguing rather than dancing.  Angry

 Embarrassed

Roll Eyes Roll Eyes
(coach had to explain each of our positions to us last lesson)
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2010, 08:09:55 AM »

I find it stressful. in every partnership each side makes mistakes and they can interpret the message incorrectly...but I don't think you get the best out of people when you are accusing them of doing something wrong all the time and the other one feels under attack and defends themself....

I wonder if it shows lack of respect.

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ttd
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« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2010, 03:04:29 PM »

That is one of the reasons why I don't dance with my husband anymore, and even if we do get an occasional social dance here and there, I am not going to take lessons with him ever again.
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elisedance
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« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2010, 03:05:14 PM »

obviously a good move.

I mean, he's still your husband Undecided
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
ttd
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« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2010, 05:05:05 PM »

Well, yeah, it makes life simpler. Although by now the gap in skill between us is so big, it would be almost like taking someone from scratch to be my partner. So taking lessons together is a moot point.
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QPO
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« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2010, 08:47:01 PM »

I am so grateful that we have the same goals and made a packed not to argue like some of the others, having said that it has failed sometimes.  Undecided
« Last Edit: April 08, 2010, 04:36:06 AM by QPO » Logged

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TangoDancer
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« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2010, 02:37:11 AM »

 Grin Surprised to see my post from another thread getting so much stand-alone attention. The bottom line? .........

If you are truly dancing, you can not argue. If you are arguing, then you were not truly dancing in the first place.
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The most beautiful part of the dance is often found in between the steps... and in the movement within the stillness.
QPO
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« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2010, 04:35:45 AM »

well said  Grin
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elisedance
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« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2010, 05:59:05 AM »

Grin Surprised to see my post from another thread getting so much stand-alone attention. The bottom line? .........

If you are truly dancing, you can not argue. If you are arguing, then you were not truly dancing in the first place.

[You might not start topics but the trolls here can make you start them anyway Cheesy]

I think you put this exceedingly well.  The arguing is usually between the physical movement - but the point still holds.  I know one couple where the guy routinely yells at his partner when something goes wrong.  He's even done it on the competition floor.  I wonder how that affects the judges Cheesy
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2010, 10:13:14 AM »

I would like to think disagreeing is different to arguing Roll Eyes
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catsmeow
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« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2010, 08:45:47 PM »

Perhaps arguing has a positive side. I will admit I was not easy on my dance partner as we worked our way through the syllabus. We argued a lot ! But I learned that arguing had different meanings for us. What seemed like a heated debate to me was  simply a way to discuss differences in how and what we learned in our lessons.
Arguing, when not used to create a rift, can create a strength because it allows two distinctly different personalities to coexist. Arguing brings together the strengths of the individuals without the explosion.
I am surprised by the confessions of many high level dancers who admit they argue with their partners. Maybe what I am seeing is that the higher we progress the more likely the chance for argument. If not for constructive confrontation men and women could  not dance together.
This is my opinion . Right now I have to hide all sharp objects in the practice room because we are going to study the video of our last lesson.
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Rugby
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« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2010, 10:04:03 PM »

I don't believe in arguing.  I find what is one persons arguing may be the other person's getting attacked and having to feel the need to defend oneself.  I know my DP is trying his best and so am I so why bitch when we "think" the other one is doing something wrong.  If I complain to him the next move he can turn around and complain to me and let's face it, we all live in a glass house so should be careful about throwing stones.  If we were so good that we don't make mistakes then we wouldn't need lessons and the World Champs would be knocking on our door.  Until then we have no right to complain about the other person.  To me it is better to be happy with what the DP can do rather than be peeved at what they can't at the time. 

I think what leads to arguments is when the two DP's have a different take on what the teacher has said.  Each is adamant that how they heard or learned it is correct and if this happens it's just better to let it go.  Really, can we be 100% sure we are right.  To me I would rather not get all upset and bitch at him to not only walk into the lesson and find out I was wrong.  It is way too destructive.  I learn differently than he does.  I analyze and use repetition to keep tweeking things here and there and see how it works or feels each time whereas he goes by feel and only wants to do the move a few times and that is it.  He is not overly patient and if he gets frustrated he will walkd out.  I won't as I would rather leave the move and just do it the best we can until we get more help.

My DP is a good guy but I wish he would worry less and just go with the flow.  I'm not out to get him and we have to be able to accept each other's way of learning.  If it takes us longer to get where we are wanting to go it does and it is not worth getting upset about.  Besides, not practicing will make the journey much longer than struggling to do something but at least were doing it. 
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Everyone tries to rush up through the syllabus levles and think once they are at the top they have arrived.  What they don't realize is that by doing this it is like skimming through a book, you may get the gist but you will never understand the story.
elisedance
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ee


« Reply #14 on: April 09, 2010, 12:49:58 AM »

I agree - arguments are IMO always failures of communication.  Their only strength, perhaps, are as a way to establish that there is a difference of opinion and, perphas to get facts and opinions out quickly - but they do very very little towards fixing the problem at hand since emotions centred on who's right dominate over the fundamental question what's right. 
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
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