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Author Topic: One correct way to dance? Or every couple has their own way?  (Read 2047 times)
Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #15 on: February 16, 2010, 02:23:08 AM »

I am so sorry to read that you are not getting the support from your instructor that you deserve. As the two of you know each other more then the instructor seams to know you I would seek for support from each other rather then from the instructor if I was in your shoes.

I would say that all the teachers I had all made it very clear that the lady in the partnership was the 50% of the partnership and therefore of equal importance to any man. I actually remember that the few times somebody said that the lady should just zip it all the male teacher were the first to defend the ladies. My teacher actually told an instructor to leave the studio as he was being disrespectful to a lady student.

I hope you find a way to work it out.

DSV
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Edward Teller
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« Reply #16 on: February 16, 2010, 03:57:54 AM »

yes I struggle with this concept also at times that the man is the boss and the lady has to follow. but what if he is making a mistake, or it does not feel right, I believe you should have the right to say something and see if what you are feeling is true. You can tell someone that in a way that is not abusive. We are fortunate that most of the time we will say things like. I am not sure if I have understood that step correctly, I thought it was like......so.....and it feels like this....what is meant to be.....of course we can ask the coach during a lesson but if not we have to sort it out and hope that in the next lesson we get it fixed properly.

V may have to make trips away this year as part of his honors so I may find myself having lessons on my own. I am sure there are things that I can improve on, but then we have to work hard to make sure the partnership stays in sink.
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Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #17 on: February 16, 2010, 03:36:08 PM »

My main teacher used to say that the man's job was to allow the lady to show off her beauty. If her action was not beautiful then the man needed to change his action. He would also say that the lady was a reflection of what the man does right and what he does wrong. Because of this the best and cheapest way to find out if things were right or wrong would be to look or ask the lady for her input. Another one of my teachers would actually say that a lady can do no wrong and that everything she did was the man's fault whether it was good, bad or indifferent. He never corrected the lady. When my partner would complain about me, he would dance it with me and always say "There is nothing wrong with her. You must have allowed or lead her to do it wrong". He would then go on to correct my partner and I would miraculously improve. Another of my teacher (actually my dance mother) often did like this. When my partner complained about me she would send me out to make coffee or tea and then she worked with my partner. I would then come in a little later and dance with him. He would then say "Now that is much better". My dance mother would then laugh and say that I did a great job making coffee or tea as I was able to improve while doing it.

Now, I would not say that a lady can’t make mistakes. I would say that having danced with these great teachers and with my partner that it is really difficult to make a mistake as long as the lady does her jobs.

DSV
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Edward Teller
elisedance
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« Reply #18 on: February 16, 2010, 03:51:32 PM »

I'm really learning this now DSV - the lady is the reflection of the man - but she is also what makes the man possible... such a curious but effective cycle...

I hope that one day I can make tea half as well as you did Cheesy
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Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #19 on: February 16, 2010, 04:01:54 PM »

I'm really learning this now DSV - the lady is the reflection of the man - but she is also what makes the man possible... such a curious but effective cycle...

Yes, I agree. It sure is an amazing connection we have between male and female.

Quote
I hope that one day I can make tea half as well as you did Cheesy

I am sure you will get there as that is what you would like to do.  Cheesy

DSV
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Edward Teller
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« Reply #20 on: February 16, 2010, 05:41:00 PM »

I think your sister said it to me best DSV: "the man may think he's the head of the partnership, but the lady is the neck, and she can turn the head wherever she wants to".  It's a very close analogy to life and relationships in general I think.   Cool
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Some guy
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« Reply #21 on: February 16, 2010, 05:45:49 PM »

The instructor had actually caused more of a rift than help and we have learned that we have to depend on ourselves and what worked for them does not necessarily work for us. 
This revelation was the biggest turning point in my dancing.  Only you can improve yourself.  A great teacher can help you see what's within yourself.  All the other coaches and teachers are temporary band-aids that stick on for a while, then start peeling off, and finally falls off and gets lost somewhere exposing your issues again (at which point you get another band-aid).  Start looking within yourself and you'll attract a coach that helps you find the answers, not just give you what they think is the answer to your problems.
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Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #22 on: February 16, 2010, 05:49:54 PM »

I think your sister said it to me best DSV: "the man may think he's the head of the partnership, but the lady is the neck, and she can turn the head wherever she wants to".  It's a very close analogy to life and relationships in general I think.   Cool

It sure sounds like she gave you our mother's recipe for life. Grin
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Edward Teller
Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #23 on: February 16, 2010, 06:00:09 PM »

This revelation was the biggest turning point in my dancing.  Only you can improve yourself.  A great teacher can help you see what's within yourself.  All the other coaches and teachers are temporary band-aids that stick on for a while, then start peeling off, and finally falls off and gets lost somewhere exposing your issues again (at which point you get another band-aid).  Start looking within yourself and you'll attract a coach that helps you find the answers, not just give you what they think is the answer to your problems.

This is great suff SG.

My teacher used to say that a great teacher helps you find and expose the great potential within you that you can't see in yourself. Then the teacher gives you the tools to develop these great potentials. It is however up to the student to do the work. The teacher only provides the information needed to find and reveal the potential. The student can/should/will uses this information to reveal what amazing things they have within them. I also agree that when you know what you want and then ask the Universe for help getting there then the Universe will provide a teacher that will help you get there. I have often said "When the student is ready the teacher appears".

DSV
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Edward Teller
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« Reply #24 on: February 16, 2010, 06:21:57 PM »

Thanks DSV!  Yes, your sister has taught me that you can't on depend on anyone or hold anyone else responsible for one's improvement.  The true master dwells within. 
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Some guy
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« Reply #25 on: February 16, 2010, 06:30:41 PM »

I think every couple does have their own way, since no two bodies move exactly the same way.  I think the topic of this post has a deeper meaning here than is immediately obvious:
"...every couple has their own way...".

So Elise, when you dance with your DP, you're a couple, but when you dance with your pro, you're a completely different couple.  I've learned (the hard way, or should I say, the painful, knock-down drawn out-all-night-argue-and-don't-talk-to-your-partner-for-two-weeks-and-contemplate-breaking-up-partnership-way) that expecting it to feel the same is the biggest mistake one can make.  Keeping the "feel" open ended I think is what makes great dancers great.  They're confident enough to know that they've done everything they need to do, and they're completely open to how it's going to feel.  At least that's my goal: to get to a place where I'll know I've done everything I need to and then just sit back and take in the feeling instead of going in with a preconceived notion of how it should/must feel.     Cool
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Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #26 on: February 16, 2010, 06:31:08 PM »

The true master dwells within. 

How very true. Grin
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"As we understand more things, everthing is becoming simpler"

Edward Teller
Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #27 on: February 16, 2010, 07:01:49 PM »

I think my main teacher put this in a great way.

He said it is like building a house. The teacher shows and tells you what you need to do to build a house. You are however only shown and told the basic principles (foundation, walls, windows, doors, electrical, plumbing, insulation and roof). You are then shown the tools used and how to use the tools to make everything come together. Once you have learned the basic principles then you are send out to build your own house. Everybody will design and build a slightly different house. The thing they all have in common is that the house has a foundation, walls, windows, doors, electrical, plumbing, insulation and a roof. There are as many different houses as there are couples. Some like rectangular houses, square, L-shaped,  round….actually any shape would do as long as a foundation can be laid. What the foundation is made of is also up to the individual couple. Then the walls need to be built. There are tons of different materials that can be used to build the walls. There are actually too many for me to mention. Next up is the installation of windows and doors. What shape are they, size or material are they made of, again there way too many options for me to mention. It is now time for the electrical and plumbing. Again what source are you going to use for the electrical…the grid, solar, wind, coal, wood, oil, diesel or……. The plumbing also has many choices. You could do well or city water. The piping also has many different options. You could also install a grey water system. You get my drift. Insulation is the next step in building your house. Here the options are also endless. I am not even going to start on this subject. Finally we have got to put a roof on this house. Here you also have many different choices. Again too many for me to go into!

What great dancers do is use the basic principles to build the house (build their dancing) of their liking. It is going to be a different house every time they start building. Some days they like a big house and other days they want a small house. Some days it will be a two maybe three story house some days it will be a one level house. The important thing is to start building. The more houses you build the better you get at it. You find better ways of doing it, you find out what kind of floor plans you like and you find out what building material you prefer. So go build your (couple) own individual house. Have fun in trying new things (floor plans and building material).

DSV
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Edward Teller
catsmeow
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« Reply #28 on: February 16, 2010, 08:47:43 PM »

About all this I would like to hear the input of a great dancer and not a great teacher.
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Rugby
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« Reply #29 on: February 16, 2010, 09:07:50 PM »

The teacher is female and a great technician but young.  She did mention that I could mention that I did not understand the step or what he was doing but I would be just saying that to make him feel like I was not attacking him.  I think she has alot of students who fight and she is hoping that if one of them does not say anything than there will be no arguments.  Of course her tactic did not work for her as she and her partner split, though are still friends.

I look at it this way.  You are not going to agree with everything but you don't throw the baby out with the bath water.  I may not agree with everything she says but she does have alot of good things to offer and we have learned a great deal from her, especially my DP.  I have had to know what works and what does not for me and also for my DP.  He has mentioned that we can stop going to her but her value in other areas would keep me going to her. 

I suppose that is all part of it, being able to understand and make informed decisions on what works for you, your DP and your partnership.  I find most people have a tendancy to stay with an instructor long after their shelf life due to loyalty.  We have to realize when to stay and when to move on and why.   
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