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Author Topic: Friends....  (Read 3060 times)
SwingWaltz
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« on: February 07, 2010, 07:47:08 AM »

[this comes from the "Complaint box - drop your life woes in here...." topic]

It sucks having people turning your friends against you!  Cry
« Last Edit: February 07, 2010, 09:13:50 AM by elisedance » Logged
elisedance
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ee


« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2010, 09:02:55 AM »

It sucks having people turning your friends against you!  Cry

...if they can be turned, then they aren't your friends and 'people' are doing you a favor Wink
« Last Edit: February 07, 2010, 09:14:06 AM by elisedance » Logged

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SwingWaltz
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« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2010, 09:05:05 AM »

It sucks having people turning your friends against you!  Cry

...if they can be turned, then they aren't your friends and 'people' are doing you a favor Wink

But it still hurts...
« Last Edit: February 07, 2010, 09:14:20 AM by elisedance » Logged
elisedance
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ee


« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2010, 09:11:50 AM »

It sucks having people turning your friends against you!  Cry

...if they can be turned, then they aren't your friends and 'people' are doing you a favor Wink

But it still hurts...
yes indeed, I did not mean to belittle - its just if you approach it with the right mentality it hurts less... think of it this way, you lost a pseudofriend and THEY lost you.  
Who's in front?

The word friend is used in too many ways - from the 3,000 or so on FB to the one or two you trust.  Time teaches you that you really only need - indeed you really can only manage - a very few Friends (with a capital) - perhaps 2 or 3.  The rest are in varying degrees of friendship.  The reason for this is that to be a friend you have to both tell and recieve the truth.  Its very hard to do that with more than 2-3 people since the ensuing network becomes unmanageable and each friend takes a large mental and time investment.  If you can manage it (and I am sorry to say but its rather rare) your very best friend is also your life partner.....

Pick your Friends wisely - and let your friends fall as they may Wink
« Last Edit: February 07, 2010, 09:15:01 AM by elisedance » Logged

If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
emeralddancer
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« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2010, 10:54:31 AM »

SW ... EE is telling true here.

Yes it hurts, it sucks. A LOT.

But people that are truly your friend, people who know you, the person you are ... will not be turned.

That being said ... also realize people are human and sometimes those that seemingly are turned because of someone else's twisted agenda many times find their way back to use because they had a moments of cloudy judgment and then see the other person for who they really are and what they are doing and as soon as they do, quickly get out of there and back to what is real. YOU!

Do not lose heart my friend

Hugs
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« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2010, 09:58:46 PM »

[this comes from the "Complaint box - drop your life woes in here...." topic]

It sucks having people turning your friends against you!  Cry

I have had this expereince several times in my life. Last of which is when I left my 1st husband, all the friends tht I had know for 25 years, vanished...People come and go in your life and there may be a few that will stay constant, but on the whole, learn from the experience your new best friend could be just around the corner.

Remember the expression "No-one can hurt you unless you let them"
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elisedance
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« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2010, 03:33:21 AM »

[this comes from the "Complaint box - drop your life woes in here...." topic]

It sucks having people turning your friends against you!  Cry
I have had this expereince several times in my life. Last of which is when I left my 1st husband, all the friends tht I had know for 25 years, vanished...
same thing happened to me - all but one friend who let me live in her basement (I built myself a room Undecided).  I don't know what would have happend to me but for her...

the one friend who will be there in need is, as said, the only one you really need
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2010, 05:51:40 AM »

I think if you realise they come and go, and true friends dont do what you think these have done. I think you will find that they were acquaintances there is a difference
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SwingWaltz
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« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2010, 08:39:01 AM »

6 month is usually too short to build a "real" friendship anyway. But I'm happy that there are also friends who have sticked by me this time.  Smiley One lesson learnt, and I'm ready to move on!

Althought it's difficult and awkward since I'll have to face them in the future, same studio, same coach. Leaving the studio is one option, and I've told my coach this and he can totally understand, but that's announcing myself defeat. Staying in the same place, I'm concerned that this person will turn my new partner against me, yes it is that bad. Between a rock and a hard place?
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Bordertangoman
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« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2010, 10:40:43 AM »

[this comes from the "Complaint box - drop your life woes in here...." topic]

It sucks having people turning your friends against you!  Cry

dont i  know it when someone you thought was your friend thinks she can take over your classes...
dont trust her and she's making a lot of enemies on the way.


I hope something horrible happens to her... Tongue
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elisedance
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« Reply #10 on: February 09, 2010, 11:00:22 AM »

6 month is usually too short to build a "real" friendship anyway. But I'm happy that there are also friends who have sticked by me this time.  Smiley One lesson learnt, and I'm ready to move on!

Althought it's difficult and awkward since I'll have to face them in the future, same studio, same coach. Leaving the studio is one option, and I've told my coach this and he can totally understand, but that's announcing myself defeat. Staying in the same place, I'm concerned that this person will turn my new partner against me, yes it is that bad. Between a rock and a hard place?

Your partner should look (and 99% sure) will look to your needs first.  If not then perhaps this is not the partner for you after all.  As you are well aware already, there is a LOT more to a dance partnership than being able to dance together - tenacity, trust, reliability and most of all, surviving the hard times (whether due to outside inside or partner problems) are what make it successful. 

We have hardly made a dent in the competition world - our DSI average is somewhere in the low 1200s (its an inaccurate and yet useful number) and has been for a while - when its not going down that is Wink.  But, despite ups and downs in moods and even actions, I know we both have faith in each other that we are going to succeed.  If I am really proud of something in my dancing - its how I (and of course DP) have stuck it out.

Thats what you need for long term success SW - you are old enough and experienced enough to find that person and if that means keeping on looking then you should.  But do give this one a chance - and make sure you keep communicating with her because then it becomes you and she against the world and not you worrying about whether she is going to listen to some external gossip or follow some other persons whims....

good luck..........
ee
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #11 on: February 09, 2010, 11:36:55 AM »

[this comes from the "Complaint box - drop your life woes in here...." topic]

It sucks having people turning your friends against you!  Cry
I have had this expereince several times in my life. Last of which is when I left my 1st husband, all the friends tht I had know for 25 years, vanished...
same thing happened to me - all but one friend who let me live in her basement (I built myself a room Undecided).  I don't know what would have happend to me but for her...

the one friend who will be there in need is, as said, the only one you really need


Same happened to me. My mother called it "a spring cleaning of the friends you have". I think it is normal to change friends as you go through life. It is really the L/V at work here. When you change yourself, your choices or your surrounding, you do change the frequency that surrounds you. That will in turn change the people that can be around you and be comfortable around you.
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« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2010, 06:13:02 AM »

well I enjoy them while they are in my life and the new ones that come in. Tongue
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elisedance
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ee


« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2010, 06:42:21 AM »

[this comes from the "Complaint box - drop your life woes in here...." topic]

It sucks having people turning your friends against you!  Cry
I have had this expereince several times in my life. Last of which is when I left my 1st husband, all the friends tht I had know for 25 years, vanished...
same thing happened to me - all but one friend who let me live in her basement (I built myself a room Undecided).  I don't know what would have happend to me but for her...

the one friend who will be there in need is, as said, the only one you really need


Same happened to me. My mother called it "a spring cleaning of the friends you have". I think it is normal to change friends as you go through life. It is really the L/V at work here. When you change yourself, your choices or your surrounding, you do change the frequency that surrounds you. That will in turn change the people that can be around you and be comfortable around you.
...and moving 3,000 miles also contributes Tongue Smiley  I think distance has been the biggest determinant of friends for me.  However, I do tend to remain in contact - once I have a friend I really don't want to let them go...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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Adelaide South Australia


« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2010, 06:51:58 AM »

well it is great that you have the ability to make friends....it is something that i encourage my children to do. the most important thing for me to give my children was self confidence and I believe I did that, a self belief it allows them to be confident it making the right choices and not be influenced by others.

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