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Author Topic: Art of breakup...  (Read 3379 times)
SwingWaltz
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« Reply #15 on: January 05, 2010, 12:43:26 AM »

I guess most people look at it from a dancing perspective, why not, we're talking about dancing right?

Ok, our dancing is going well, one couldn't ask for anything better. We just won the national championships twice! But even though, to me dancing isn't about just climbing the ladder towards being champions. I dance because it's fun and I enjoy dancing with someone who I also share a great friendship with. Without that friendship, even if we are championships, to me it feels like "so what". I guess it's not really a matter of being dancing partners or not, it's a matter of being friends or not. It's just a hell of a mess at the moment.  Undecided
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QPO
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« Reply #16 on: January 05, 2010, 12:53:18 AM »

I guess most people look at it from a dancing perspective, why not, we're talking about dancing right?

Ok, our dancing is going well, one couldn't ask for anything better. We just won the national championships twice! But even though, to me dancing isn't about just climbing the ladder towards being champions. I dance because it's fun and I enjoy dancing with someone who I also share a great friendship with. Without that friendship, even if we are championships, to me it feels like "so what". I guess it's not really a matter of being dancing partners or not, it's a matter of being friends or not. It's just a hell of a mess at the moment.  Undecided

yes I understand what you are saying, for it to gel well it also has to be about the relationship/friendship... If you ask yourself honestly, should the partnership dissolve or continue, the first thought in your mind is your answer. do not analysis or think about it. It must be the first thought that comes to mind after you have asked the question. Huh
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elisedance
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« Reply #17 on: January 05, 2010, 01:10:02 AM »

I guess most people look at it from a dancing perspective, why not, we're talking about dancing right?

Ok, our dancing is going well, one couldn't ask for anything better. We just won the national championships twice! But even though, to me dancing isn't about just climbing the ladder towards being champions. I dance because it's fun and I enjoy dancing with someone who I also share a great friendship with. Without that friendship, even if we are championships, to me it feels like "so what". I guess it's not really a matter of being dancing partners or not, it's a matter of being friends or not. It's just a hell of a mess at the moment.  Undecided

How about going through DSV's decision making process? 

But that makes me wonder if you have discussed this with your partner yet?  Does she know that you are thinking of  breaking up?  If she did she might approach this very differently - and it may cause her to think about your personal relationship too.  You are mentally obviously quite far along the 'break up' path.  You really do need to invove her at this stage.

The other thing to do is to imagine life without dance.  Sure you can go dancing but you don't need me to tell you its going to be VERY different.  Don't fall for the classic 'if you take things for granted they go away' scenario....
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Rugby
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« Reply #18 on: January 05, 2010, 01:20:55 AM »

Weigh you choices carefully.  Remember that what appears to be lost can be refound if we see it in a different light.   
I agree with how you feel, for me winning is not as important as the relationship with my partner. 
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You have to fight through a lot of crap before you find your way up out of the toilet. Sometimes I think I have a good hold on the rim then I slip back in.  Each time I don't sink quite as deep though. - Rugby
dancingirldancing
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« Reply #19 on: January 05, 2010, 08:17:36 PM »

SW, I don't know what your situation is but sometimes when emotions run high one tends to lose focus.

Is this issue a build up of continuous past problem or is it something that happened recently ?

Eg. partners fighting during practice all the time until both can't stand each other anymore vs one partner saying something very hurtful at ONE occasion to the other one

The first one will probably harder to resolve but if the issue is ONCE OFF no matter how hurtful it may seem do you really want to jeopardize your partnership and friendship ?

Partnership is like marriage anyway sometimes I am really really mad at my husband to the point of thinking about divorcing him but then when I cool down I looked back think how silly we were back then.

Please think whether this is emotions running high or something that really really can't be resolved.

Also, I always find that involving other people is always a BAD idea. People tends to take sides and make the situation worse.

Big hugs and I hope whatever you choose is the right decision on your situation.
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elisedance
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« Reply #20 on: January 05, 2010, 08:55:48 PM »

....
Also, I always find that involving other people is always a BAD idea. People tends to take sides and make the situation worse.
....


Wait a mo, we're 'other people' too.. Undecided
Maybe you mean other people who are too closely invovled?  Or maybe....
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
dancingirldancing
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« Reply #21 on: January 05, 2010, 09:10:28 PM »

Yes I mean people that is directly involved with the couple such as parents, coach, people @ the studios ....

People who may have personal agenda/interest in keeping or breaking the partnership.

I just speak from personal experience.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2010, 09:13:08 PM by dancingirldancing » Logged
elisedance
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« Reply #22 on: January 05, 2010, 09:47:16 PM »

There I agree - however much they like you its just too hard to separate their own needs from yours. 

Actually, its a very nice aspect of an online forum such as this - we know each other but (with a few exceptions that live close together) we have no investment in each other and hence are likely to be impartial with suggestions and advice.  OTOH you never really know who you are dealing with Shocked

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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
SwingWaltz
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« Reply #23 on: January 06, 2010, 01:06:30 AM »

Now now....let's not make this TOO particular.

It's sort of open to discussion.....
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Ginger
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I see what you did there.


« Reply #24 on: January 06, 2010, 01:34:10 AM »

So did she ditch you, or something? Sorry, can't follow the breadcrumb trail too well... Is it a mess because you're making it one by not leaving well enough alone and she's not putting up with it, or what? Confused, not really caring, just mildly curious before heading to ebay. I need earrings.
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ZPomeroy
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« Reply #25 on: January 06, 2010, 06:08:45 AM »

So did she ditch you, or something? Sorry, can't follow the breadcrumb trail too well... Is it a mess because you're making it one by not leaving well enough alone and she's not putting up with it, or what? Confused, not really caring, just mildly curious before heading to ebay. I need earrings.

You could have put that a bit nicer Ginger...

Zac
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ZPomeroy
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« Reply #26 on: January 06, 2010, 06:10:28 AM »

I do have a question related to the OPEN DISCUSSION we are having, how do you know its time to break up?

Zac
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Lioness
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« Reply #27 on: January 06, 2010, 06:25:46 AM »

When your goals are not the same, and when that is getting in the way of your partnership/friendship. When you can no longer work civilly together, because you are too busy arguing. When you just don't gel.
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elisedance
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« Reply #28 on: January 06, 2010, 06:29:52 AM »

Now now....let's not make this TOO particular.

It's sort of open to discussion.....
Not sure what triggered this - my comment was totally general...
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
SwingWaltz
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« Reply #29 on: January 06, 2010, 06:36:01 AM »

Now now....let's not make this TOO particular.

It's sort of open to discussion.....
Not sure what triggered this - my comment was totally general...

Sorry, I was going to write "Let's keep it general like Elise and DSV".
But when people mention names in the discussion, it seems like it's getting a bit personal. I think people's heard enough of me and my problems. So that's why I hope to keep it general. The same with the thread "Partnership isn't just about dancing"
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