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Author Topic: Art of breakup...  (Read 3818 times)
SwingWaltz
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« on: January 04, 2010, 07:43:55 AM »

All great partnerships may come to an end sometimes, how do you do it?
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Lioness
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« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2010, 07:50:04 AM »

I do wish it hadn't come to this, but it looks like it had.

First off, all the best for the future.

To answer your question, I've had no actual experience breaking off a dance partnership. However, I'd say keep it respectful. Outline the situation, and your problem with it. Make sure she understands it's the need for a break, not a particular problem with her.

That's about as much advice as I can give. Good luck, and all the hugs you need.
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QPO
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« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2010, 08:12:21 AM »

hey all top partnerships outgrow their use by dates..not saying yours has, but if it did. Stay civil, it is not like you are an item.....When you are ready let them know that you have come to a decision to end the partnership if they want a reason give them an honest one, but somehow I dont think they will be interested. You have to look after yourself...

Try and stay civil as the dance community is small. Undecided
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elisedance
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« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2010, 09:11:37 AM »

hey all top partnerships outgrow their use by dates..

er Q, you're married so how does that work? Roll Eyes
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
SwingWaltz
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« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2010, 09:12:31 AM »

er Q, you're married so how does that work? Roll Eyes

Till death do us apart.  Roll Eyes
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SwingWaltz
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« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2010, 09:14:16 AM »

Another thing is, how do you break the news to your coach?  Undecided
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ZPomeroy
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« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2010, 09:17:52 AM »

For me, that would be the easier part, but for you, good luck with that! Roll Eyes

Zac
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elisedance
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« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2010, 09:18:12 AM »

All great partnerships may come to an end sometimes, how do you do it?

First, you do nothing for at least a month to be sure this is what you want.  Second you do nothing till you talk it over not only with your partner but also your coach.  Third, you do nothing until and if you feel there are no alternatives.

I have seen many young dance partnerships break up for personal reasons and both partners beleive the sky is the limit and a new partner will drop from the sky.  I would say that in 9/10 cases they do not because the number of people available at the right level is miniscule UNLESS you are prepared to move internationally to satisfy that dream.

If you want to stay where you live now please think this through and consider realistic alternative goals.  However, if (and you may be in a unique situation where this is actually possible) you want to keep dancing at the level you are at and grow, in essence making this a career choice, then this might be the time for a change in order that you can search the world for the future amateur and possibly professional partner.  

Don't do ANYTHING rashly.  And, as said over and over, and we will say over and over again.  Talk to your partner before you commit yourself to something is unlikely to be reversible.
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
QPO
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« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2010, 07:08:31 PM »

hey all top partnerships outgrow their use by dates..

er Q, you're married so how does that work? Roll Eyes

with great skill  on our part... Cool
« Last Edit: January 04, 2010, 07:12:50 PM by QPO » Logged

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QPO
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« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2010, 07:11:38 PM »

I often look at dancesport info and you see all the couples coming and going. You have to wonder why they change. perhaps it is because they did not achieve the results they had hoped for in the partnership and think with someone else I can go higher.

The decision to break a partnership should after a discussion with your partner and coach (and family if necessary), make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons and not for perceived differences or lack of respect.

Do not make hasty rash decisions...
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dancingirldancing
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« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2010, 08:42:44 PM »

Are you thinking about breaking up with your partner ?

I wouldn't post it on the forum without having a chat with her first.

It will be hurtful to find out that one's partner is thinking about breaking up the partnership from a forum.
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catsmeow
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« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2010, 08:51:10 PM »

Sometimes the pressure to break up comes from outside the partnership. Jealousy of someone having a partner they think would suit them makes for diabolical plans.
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elisedance
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« Reply #12 on: January 04, 2010, 09:11:16 PM »

And it can work the other way too - greed for a partner that is better than the one in the hand.  I doubt most of us have not felt that at least at some time....
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If you must leave the house, go build a home...

The limit of your love is also the limit of your art...
Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #13 on: January 04, 2010, 09:52:19 PM »

All great partnerships may come to an end sometimes, how do you do it?

Just my 2 cents worth….

I have seen many break ups in my time in the business. Some of them have been world finalist and others social dancers. I have found that it doesn’t really matter what level the dancer is at there is just about the same issues involved.

It really depends on each situation. In some cases it is prepared for weeks or even months sometimes it happens from one moment to the other. There is not really a golden rule as far as I know. The only thing that I have found is that being honest, courteous and fair is always the best policy
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"As we understand more things, everthing is becoming simpler"

Edward Teller
Dora-Satya Veda
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« Reply #14 on: January 04, 2010, 10:24:30 PM »

In my many years in the business I actually have helped several dancers with a tool to help them whether the break-up would be good for them or not. Several dancers have also made decisions on starting new partnership using the same method. I have told all the dancers that have asked me for help to do their homework first before making any decision. Whatever decision you make you need to be able to both sleep with and look yourself in the mirror with.

This is the homework that I told them to do:

Take two pieces of paper. Use one paper of the staying together and one paper for the break-up. As a headline of one paper write Staying Together and as headline of the other paper write Breaking-up. Draw a line on the length of the paper splitting it into two parts. On the left side of the center line write the positive and on the right side of the center line write the negative. Repeat the positive and the negative on the other paper. Now start filling each of the columns in with all the things that comes to mind. Number the each of the points and making sure they are in the column that fits. Then grade each of the points that you have put down from 1 to 10 with 1 being the a little issue and 10 being a really big issue. Then ad it all up and see what come out as having the highest score. Once you have done that then think, feel and imaging what would happen if you go through with that choice. Then talk to your teacher/coach and tell them what you feel. I always ask to see the homework and go through each of the points to make sure they are graded right. Then I ask what they though, felt and imagined if they went through with the choice. Then I ask them “what do you think you should do?” If they then say “I don’t know”. Then I say “I know you don’t know, but what if you did know, what do you think you should do?” Sometimes we have to do this a couple of times but then they normally make up their mind and feel good about their decision.

I hope this helps.

DSV
« Last Edit: January 05, 2010, 01:03:19 AM by Dora-Satya Veda » Logged

"As we understand more things, everthing is becoming simpler"

Edward Teller
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