Partnership, not just about the dancing!

[SwingWaltz]

So we all know that a good partnership isn't just about the dancing. There are certainly qualities in two people that "click". Behind a solid dance partnership, there may be friendship. What if sometimes, for some reason, that friendship is compromised. Should the dance partnership continue given it has been a successful one?

[elisedance]

I think you are making too many assumptions.  In some senses there are as many ways of havinga dance partnership as there are partnerships!  By that I mean that the reasons two people dance together and work on dancing togehter (or not) are as varied as their relationships.

For dancesport there are extra elements that are both taxing and strengthening for a partnership.  Taxing ones include degrees of ambition, time money etc etc (as discussed above) whereas strengthening ones definitely can include friendship but may not or this may not be a key issue.  Its also come up a lot above but I think can always also be restated - and that is goals.  You can hate your dance partner but also respect (and simply want) their abilities sufficiently to maintain a common goal.  Have you noticed how many partnerships split once the competition aspect has ended?  We don't see these stories on the reporting agencies but you can see them locally.  A couple that has been competing for 10 years retires and the two go their separate ways - because they did not have a friendship or maybe even detested each other!

If you have a common goal that is strong enough for you to keep working on your partnership without it being so fractious that it ruins your dancing then absolutely you can continue.  Realize, however, that from that point on it becomes more a business partnership and less a personal one.  In some ways that is actually a lot easier since you can both lay down minimum requirements for the partnership to continue without worrying how that might affect your personal relationsihip.  IMO you end up with a much more honest partnership because there is no temptation to manipulate via personal life (and, while I am at it, you don't run the danger of the dance partnership ruining your life one).

However, you raise an interesting new issue - going from a partnership based on friendship to one that is a 'limited partnership' (I like that term since it has the business relationship notion built in).  There are obvious hazzards there but if the common goals of the two are strong enough I don't see why it could not happen.  Note, however, that once you take this step you are vulnerable to one more reason why you might split - and the split can be very dirty indeed since there is less of a personal committement.

[SwingWaltz]

So, what other qualities/goals/etc that bring people together as dance partners, and which one(s) would affect the dance partnership if it's been changed or compromised.

[elisedance]

The most obvious goal in dancesport is, understandably, winning.  But its not the only one.  I am sure there are partnerships that stay together because, say, they want to create a dance studio, they like to work together or they simply love to dance with each other evern if they may not really get on that well. 

There are, of course, many factors that will affect any particular dance partnership so its very hard to guess at the specific one.  The absolute key here is to talk and establish the 'new norm' and be prepared to revisit it whenever necessary.  If the friendship has really broken down then one would have to have equally strong common goals to balance that - and again obviously oine could imagine a threshold where it simply would not be possible.

One other point here.  I don't know what its like in your area but in most places here there are far more women than men dancers (though the ratio becomes closer at the higher levels since you need a partner to reach them and that serves in itself as a filter).  That means that there is sometimes a bit more pressure on the woman to maintain the partnership than the man as she has less liklihood of finding a replacement should it break down.

[QPO]

So we all know that a good partnership isn't just about the dancing. There are certainly qualities in two people that "click". Behind a solid dance partnership, there may be friendship. What if sometimes, for some reason, that friendship is compromised. Should the dance partnership continue given it has been a successful one?

I think it also depends on the ground rules that were set at the beginning, especially if the partnership was created just for dancing. Sometimes both parties have a different reason for the partnership and what they hope to get out of it. Like with anything they should be reviewed annually and see what the next year will hold and whether it should continue or dissolve. Nothing is constant and everything is fluid. Are you goals and expectations of the relationship realistic?

Time to have a good  discussion before you get bitter or disillusioned. 

[cornutt]

If you have a common goal that is strong enough for you to keep working on your partnership without it being so fractious that it ruins your dancing then absolutely you can continue. 

I've read that about the championship Oakland A's baseball team of the early 1970s.  The star players on the team didn't like each other very much, but they all had a common goal and were able to pull together on the field well enough to win the World Series.  I've had the experience of working with people that I had personal animosity towards, but as long as we kept our conversations on the topic at hand, it worked out OK.  Still, it's a far less pleasant experience then working with someone you like.

Of course, few of us count all of our co-workers as drinking buddies.  Chances are, we have a few people that we are really friends with, and most of the others are acquaintances -- we work together and it's fine, but at the end of the day, we go our separate ways.  And these may be people that we actually work pretty closely with.  That's life. 

Of course, at work, I don't get physically intimate with any of my co-workers like I do with a dance partner.  So it may not be that good an analogy.

[elisedance]

Of course, at work, I don't get physically intimate with any of my co-workers like I do with a dance partner.  So it may not be that good an analogy.

thats probably a good idea

[QPO]

Of course, at work, I don't get physically intimate with any of my co-workers like I do with a dance partner.  So it may not be that good an analogy.

thats probably a good idea

does he wife know about that 

[dancingirldancing]

It is hard to maintain the partnership if the relationship is pretty close previously (whether romantic or not) and then change.

There bound to be hard feelings and awkwardness.

However, it is possible to have a dance partnership without any closeness outside of dancing from the start.

That is iMHO.

[elisedance]

Of course, at work, I don't get physically intimate with any of my co-workers like I do with a dance partner.  So it may not be that good an analogy.

thats probably a good idea

does he wife know about that 

[I think you misread Q... it was 'don't']

[elisedance]

It is hard to maintain the partnership if the relationship is pretty close previously (whether romantic or not) and then change.

There bound to be hard feelings and awkwardness.

However, it is possible to have a dance partnership without any closeness outside of dancing from the start.

That is iMHO.

I agree - but I if you are referring to SW 's speciifc question I don't think he mentioned anything about closeness, just friendship ....

[SwingWaltz]

I agree - but I if you are referring to SW 's speciifc question I don't think he mentioned anything about closeness, just friendship ....

How about being best friends. 

[elisedance]

I suppose that ups the ante...

[QPO]

Of course, at work, I don't get physically intimate with any of my co-workers like I do with a dance partner.  So it may not be that good an analogy.

thats probably a good idea

does he wife know about that 

[I think you misread Q... it was 'don't']

yes but he said like I DO with a dancer partner ......

[cornutt]

Of course, at work, I don't get physically intimate with any of my co-workers like I do with a dance partner.  So it may not be that good an analogy.

thats probably a good idea

does he wife know about that 

[I think you misread Q... it was 'don't']

No, she got me, darn it!  I hate when that happens.